How do you identify a bald eagle?

All of his feathers are combed to one side.

"According to the latest Gallup Poll, one-quarter of Americans are bilingual; the other three-quarters don't speak any English at all."
      ~Jay Leno

"A New York fitness expert has released an exercise book for nuns called, 'Changing Habits: The Sister's Workout.' The Vatican rejected the original title, 'Nuns of Steel.'"
      ~Conan O'Brien

"I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up."
      ~Tom Lehrer

School Suspends Female Students for Kiss

CLARKSVILLE, Md. - Inspired by a high school assignment, Stephanie Haaser leaped onto a cafeteria table, shouted "End homophobia now!" and kissed classmate Katherine Pecore. Haaser said she was making a statement on behalf of gay and lesbian students because she was bothered by the verbal and physical harassment they face.

Their principal said he respected what the students were trying to do, but they needed to learn more appropriate ways to make a point. Haaser and Pecore were suspended for two days. "It's highly inappropriate to stand on a table in the cafeteria and make out, whether the kiss was heterosexual or homosexual," said River Hill High School principal Scott Pfeifer. "I don't think there's a school in the country where parents would consider that appropriate behavior."

Haaser, a junior, said she chose to make the statement as part of an English class assignment, which required that she engage in a nonconformist act in the tradition of Henry David Thoreau and Ralph Waldo Emerson. "You hear derogatory comments in virtually every class," Haaser said. "It's not always spiteful — someone might say, 'Oh that's so gay,' where 'gay' means stupid or dumb. But those comments can be really hurtful." Haaser said teachers who hear such remarks rarely intervene.

River Hill administrators said they pride themselves on the school's respect for diversity. Pfeifer said the school has a Gay-Straight Alliance club and a diversity committee of students, teachers and parents. The school recently celebrated National Coming Out Day."I wouldn't put up River Hill as a national model," Pfeifer said, "but I would say we are as sensitive about these issues as anyone."

The incident has sparked debate about tolerance at the school.A few days after the kiss, juniors Mia Freyer and Anna Boyland staged a brief protest outside the school on behalf of the suspended students. They carried signs that read "Down with Homophobia" and "Don't: Hate and discriminate."

Haaser said the kiss has raised awareness of the harassment problem. "It's been wonderful to see and hear the discussion that have taken place at my school since the kiss. People are a lot more aware of the issue," she said. "And I like to think the hurtful, derogatory comments about gays have subsided, at least for a little while."

[Equality? I wonder if it were Biff the football stud and Buffy the perky cheerleader who did the liplock would they have been suspended? I bet not.]

A man takes his place in the theater, but his seat is too far from the stage.

He whispers to the usher, "This is a murder mystery, and I have to watch a mystery close up. Get me a better seat, and I'll give you a handsome tip."

The usher moves him into the second row, and the man hands the usher a quarter.

The usher looks at the quarter, leans over and whispers, "The wife did it."

A not necessarily well-prepared student, Johnny sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed: "Give four advantages of breastmilk." What to write? Johnny sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best:

1. No need to boil.
2. Never goes sour.
3. Available whenever necessary.
So far so good - maybe. But the exam demanded a fourth answer.

Again, what to write? Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled, then sighed again. Suddenly, he brightened. He grabbed his pen, and triumphantly, Johnny scribbled his definitive answer:

4. Available in attractive containers of varying sizes.

Duct Tape Bizarre

From the "duct tape pros" come these images of the most bizarre uses of duct tape.

http://www.octanecreative.com/ducttape/bizarre/index.html

Michael Jackson's Top Ten Pet Peeves

• Losing races in Neverland Go Carts "by a nose."
   
• That damn pirate they call Hook.
   
• All the direct mail he gets from tanning salons.
   
• Green peace constantly nagging about his face not being biodegradable.
   
• He lost his "Buy 10 Plastic Surgeries, Get One Free" card, and he only had one more to go.
   
• Imitators who keep putting the glove on the wrong hand.
   
• "I like that one music video that was just like Wierd Al Yankovic's!"
   
• The monkey keeps leaking stories to the tabloids.
   
• Kids keep asking him to play the 'got your nose' game.
   
• Catholic priests cutting into his turf.

A Blonde gets on an elevator and says to the guy standing next to her "T.G.I.F!"

The guy looks at her, shakes his head, and says "S. H. I. T!"

She looks at him puzzled and says "No, T.G.I.F!"

He shakes his head again and says "No, S. H. I. T!"

The Blonde, obviously angered, shouts "Thank God It's Friday!"

And the guy says " Sorry Honey It's Thursday!"

Accordionated

Able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Have a very LARGE day, Folliers!!!

me