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January 15, 2004 Subscribe>>>
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 Fogie's Folly

Greetings, Laff Lovers!!!

Worried that your skin is sagging, or those gray hairs are making you look your age?

Have sex.

Making love three times a week can make you look 10 years younger, claims a Scottish researcher. "It's good for you to have good sex," says David Weeks, a clinical neuropsychologist at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital, whose study on the effects of sex on aging appears in his book, Secrets of the Superyoung. Over the last 10 years, Weeks and his colleagues interviewed 3,500 European and American men and women on a variety of lifestyle topics. Participants ranged in age from 20 to 104, but most were 45 to 55 years old. The thing they had in common: They looked young for their age. That's what a six-judge panel decided after watching the interviewees through a one-way mirror. The volunteer judges guessed the participants' ages from seven to 12 years younger than their actual ages, Weeks says.

Interview topics ranged from how they deal with stress within relationships, how they get along with their parents and high and low points of their lives, to prior sexual experiences, how often they had sex and whether they enjoyed it. A vigorous sex life, Weeks says, was the second-most important determinant of how young a person looked. Only physical activity proved more important than sex in keeping aging at bay, he says.

So, how often should you do it? The young-looking participants had sex an average of three times a week, Weeks says. By comparison, a group of men and women in the same age bracket and from similar neighborhoods reported having sex an average of twice a week, he says. More frequent sex -- more than three times a week -- didn't seem to produce any added benefits, Weeks says. And casual sex with different partners, or cheating, did not slow the aging process, the researchers say. In fact, it may cause premature aging from worry and stress. "The sex doesn't work without a good relationship," Weeks says. "It works via a relationship that is very supportive and emphatic, in which both people are physically and emotionally compatible."

Others agree that sex can be good for your health. "It's extremely important to your health," says Dr. Barbara Bartlik, a clinical professor of psychiatry at Weill Medical College of Cornell University in New York City. "It promotes marital harmony. The stresses and strains become more manageable when a couple is having sex regularly."

And Carol Ellison, a California psychologist and author of Generations of Women Share: Intimate Secrets of Sexual Self-Acceptance, says previous research has shown other physiological benefits to sex as well. Sex can burn fat and cause the brain to release endorphins, naturally occurring chemicals that act as painkillers and reduce anxiety, she says. In men, sex seems to stimulate the release of growth hormones and testosterone, which strengthens bones and muscles. In both men and women, research has shown, sex also seems to prompt the release of substances that bolster the immune system. And people who have lots of sex, Ellison says, tend to eat better and exercise more.

But three times a week may not be optimal for everyone, she says. People who are healthier and feel younger, for instance, may want more frequent sex. Plus, sex means different things to different people. To Weeks, sex and orgasms are one and the same. In his study, the researchers assumed that people who said they had sex three times a week also had orgasms three times a week. "Sex is the most pleasurable activity people take part in, and because the orgasm is the most pleasurable of that, it's hard to separate it out," Weeks says. "It's hard to say if it accounts for 50 percent or 75 percent of the beneficial effects."

But Ellison believes good sex can take many forms. "We're caught up in this idea that sex equals orgasm," Ellison says. "You don't have to put on a performance when you have sex. You don't even have to have intercourse. Preoccupation with orgasm, especially among women, can make them feel like a failure in bed when it doesn't happen. The key is not, 'How am I doing? Am I getting turned on fast enough? Is this going to happen?'" she says. "The key is, 'Am I enjoying what is happening at this moment?'"

How often those moments occur seems to depend on where in the world you live. Americans had the most sex in 1999, according to a recent survey of 18,000 men and women between 16 and 25 years of age conducted by SSL International, the British manufacturer of Durex condoms. The worldwide average was 96 times a year, but Americans claimed to have had sex 132 times a year, followed by the Russians (122), French (121) and Greeks (115). Young Japanese made love the least often (32 times a year), the survey says.

Americans also seem to be getting a head start on people from other countries, reporting the earliest average age at which they started having sex. Americans lost their virginity at an average age of 16.4 years, followed by Brazilians at age 16.5 and the French at 16.8, the survey says.

The French had the most sexual partners, claiming an average of 16.7 each. Greeks were second with 15 partners each, followed by Brazilians with 12.5 and Americans with 11.8. Residents of India were the most faithful to their partners, with 82 percent saying they had sex with just one person.

But Bartlik says it's best to take the survey with a grain of salt. Researching sexual behavior is difficult, she says, because it's hard to get truthful answers. Some people inflate their answers on purpose, and for many questions it's difficult to give precise responses unless you've kept a weekly chart of sexual activity, she says. "Perception is everything," Bartlik says. "Just look at the Woody Allen movie [Annie Hall]. He says, 'We never have sex.' She says, 'We're having sex all the time.'"

What To Do?

Sexually,

me

 Maniacal Media

Sometimes it's what you don't see on a blind date that makes the difference.

Just click here to go to the FREE Member's Area for this and more hilarious audio clips, videos and other stuff!

 Thanks to Nancy, El Paso, TX
After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client: "Jill, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you."

"Fair to both!" exploded Jill. "I could have done that myself. Why do you think I hired a lawyer?"

Solve your computer needs at eBay
 Random Thought
I don't know if I'll ever discover the meaning of life, but if some of the clues are visible on the upper torsos of women wearing halter tops, I like my odds.
      ~Tommy Jack

Thanks to Ruminations http://www.ruminate.com/
© 1998-2003 by Chris White

 Notable Quotables
"No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit."
      ~Sir Frederick G. Banting

"The "New York Times" is now running same-sex-wedding announcements. If you’re reading wedding announcements in the paper and you’re a guy, you’re already gay."
      ~Jay Leno

"It was reported that Anna Kournikova is coming out with her own brand of deodorant. Apparently, the ads show Kournikova holding up her deodorant and saying now only her tennis game stinks."
      ~Conan O'Brien

 Notorious News
Lunar New Year Makes Monkey Undies Hot

SINGAPORE - Women in Singapore are buying their husbands special Lunar New Year briefs, hoping to bring them good fortune and increase their sexual potency.

Women are also buying themselves "Funky Monkey" panties specially designed for the year of the monkey, featuring smiling cartoon primates. The Lunar New Year begins on Jan. 22 and is celebrated by the Chinese diaspora around the globe.

But the most popular style is bright red briefs for men featuring Chinese characters for wealth and prosperity, said Jeannette Cheong, owner of the underwear store ButtOn Trendy Undies.

Cheong said she has sold more than a thousand pairs of the festive undergarments, priced at 5.90 Singapore dollars (US$3.50), since Christmas.

"The Year of the Monkey is definitely more marketable than the other zodiac signs," Cheong said. "Because the cartoon designs for women's underwear are cuter and more appealing."

The items are most popular with middle-aged women who tell Cheong they want to spice up their love lives, she said.

She said she has also received bulk orders from companies looking for Chinese New Year gifts for their staff.

More unusual buyers of the lucky underwear include gray-haired men shopping for themselves and "mamasans" — local slang for women who arranges sexual liaisons — looking for "corporate gifts" for their clients, Cheong said.

[I'm betting that the year of the snake was more marketable to men.]

 Thanks to Kevin, Baton Rouge, LA

There was a tradesman, a painter called Jock, who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often would thin down paint to make it go a wee bit further. As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest buildings. Jock put in a bid, and because his price was so low, he got the job.

And so he set to erecting the trestles and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.

Well, Jock was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down, washing the thinned paint from all over the church and knocking Jock clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.

Jock was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried: "Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...

"Repaint! Repaint! and thin no more!"

Click for the Warner Bros. Online Shop-WBShop.com
 Thanks to Jill, Salina, KS

A heartwarming story of the advances of women in achieving equality throughout the world...

Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kabul several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 10 paces behind their husbands.

She returned to Kabul recently and observed that the men now walked several paces behind their wives. Ms. Walters approached one of the Afghani women and said, "This is marvelous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women to achieve this reversal of roles?"

"Land mines", said the woman.

 Lock & Load Link

Fascinating Looooong Bets

For example, if you believe O.J. Simpson will find the real killer by 2012, or if you're sure we'll be a 100% Hydrogen Fuel economy by 2020, then lay down a wager against someone who doesn't. 100s more!

http://www.longbets.org/predictions

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 Ludicrous List
English Signs In Foreign Countries
  • Cocktail lounge in Norway: LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.
  • At a Budapest zoo: PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.
  • Doctor's office in Rome: SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.
  • Hotel in Acapulco: THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.
  • Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner in Japan: COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.
  • Car rental brochure in Tokyo: WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN. TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.
  • Dry cleaners in Bangkok: DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.
  • In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER
  • On the grounds of a private school: NO TRESPASSING WITHOUT PERMISSION
  • On an Arctic River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE.
  • On a poster at Fight Illiteracy: ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP.
  • In a City restaurant: OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS.
  • A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer: DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS.
  • In a Pumwani maternity ward: NO CHILDREN ALLOWED.
  • In a cemetery: PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES.
  • Tokyo hotel's rules and regulations: GUESTS ARE REQUESTED NOT TO SMOKE OR DO OTHER DISGUSTING BEHAVIOURS IN BED.
  • Hotel notice in Tokyo: IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING IS PLEASE NOT TO HAD NOTIS.
  • On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.
  • In a Tokyo bar: SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.
  • In a Bangkok temple: IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.
  • Hotel room notice in Chiang-Mai, Thailand: PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM
 Folly Fallout

I love finding my man watching porn. I know it's time to play! -Donna
[I'm thinking... Headmistress and naughty schoolboy?]

Fogie, when my husband & I married, he revealed among his "secret belongings" a videotape of his ex-wife and himself intimately involved. Although she had been quite rude to me, I felt that it was only fair to return the tape to her, so I did, along with a note that using a shampoo bottle in that manner made quite an unflattering picture of her. -Dawn
[Lather, rinse, repeat.]

Fogie, if your goin to right a columb like this here one, you should try to do gooder with you're grammatical stuff. -Don
[I installed a new spell/grammar checker that automatically dumbs down my stuff for readers such as yourself.]

Well Fogie, You made me blow milk out my nose when I read the response you gave the writer who suggested women were smarter for having diamonds as best friends... and in case of a house fire, give me the dog! -Mari
[Be thankful it wasn't a scotch and soda. Think about how that would burn!]

 Trivial Tidbit
Being struck by lightening and killed is statistically most likely to occur while in the state of Florida.
 Word Whimsy

Aquadextrous

Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

Shop at Amazon.com
 Pic O’ The Day

Have a very LARGE day, Folliers!!!

me

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