G. Dubbya, out jogging one morning, notices a little boy on the corner with a box. Curious, he runs over to the child and says, "What's in the box kid?"

The little boy says, "Kittens, they're brand new kittens."

G. Dubbya laughs and says, "What kind of kittens are they?"

"Republicans," the child says.

"Oh that's cute," George W. says and he runs off.

A couple of days later G. Dubbya is running with his buddy, Dick Cheney, and he spies the same boy with his box just ahead. G. Dubbya says to Dick, "You gotta check this out" and they both jog over to the boy with the box. G. Dubbya says, "Look in the box Dick, isn't that cute? Look at those little kittens. Hey kid, tell my friend Dick what kind of kittens they are."

The boy replies, "They're Democrats."

"Whoa!" G. Dubbya says, "I came by here the other day and you said they were Republicans. What's up?"

"Well," the kid says, "Their eyes are open now.

"Homeland Security has warned of possible summer attacks by Al Qaeda. And it must be pretty serious because President Bush has already ignored three memos about this."
      ~David Letterman

"Attorney General John Ashcroft said today that Al Qaeda is determined to attack the United States sometime this summer. He said the terrorists may do it to try to influence our Presidential election. So Al Qaeda is basically like Ralph Nader, only with more followers. Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous. And then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control."
      ~Jay Leno

PORTLAND, Oregon (Reuters) - An Oregon doctor, who had sex with a patient and then charged the state about $5,000 for his "treatments," has been jailed for 60 days and stripped of his license, officials said on Friday.

Dr. Randall J. Smith, 50, told the woman that massaging her "trigger points" would ease her pelvic pain. The treatments led to sexual intercourse and Smith billed the Oregon Health Plan for the 45-minute sessions at the Adventist Health Medical Group clinic in Gresham, Oregon, near Portland.

Smith must also perform 200 hours of community service and pay $1,105 in fines and is on probation for 18 months as part of the plea agreement. He also turned in his medical license.

Though he pleaded guilty to submitting false health care claims, a felony, Smith maintained the sex with the 47-year-old woman was consensual.

Adventist repaid about $5,000 to the state, David Russell, clinic administrator for the hospital said.

[With the rates doctors charge, I thought everyone was getting screwed by them.]

There's a rumor circulating around the fast food industry that Hooter's is going to open a new division.

The new operation will sell basically the same food menu, and employ a similar staff and concept, but for home delivery,

They plan on calling the new operation "Knockers".

Donald Trump's hit new show The Apprentice is the talk of the water coolers. Now you can be the one who gets to say "YOU'RE FIRED!" with our new bumper stickers. Get yours today, supplies are limited. Click here!

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them Reading, Writing, Math, and Science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The members of the tribe are shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gave birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence... what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."

Etched In Time

Check out this gallery of Etch-A-Sketch drawings. The intricate details are amazing and many took weeks to complete.

http://www.gvetchedintime.com/web/shaking.html

• You introduce your wife as -mylady@home.wife.
• Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
• Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50.
• Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.
• You use a CAD package to design your son's Pinewood Derby car.
• You window shop at Radio Shack.
• Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.
• You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.
• You are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment.
• You thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid.
• You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is".
• The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
• You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.
• You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
• You can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary.
• You have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already.
• You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.
• Your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal.
• You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.
• Your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her.
• Your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone.
• You thought the real heroes of Apollo 13 were the mission controllers.
• You've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio.
• Your favorite part of the 6 o'clock news is comparing their latest satellite weather picture with yours.
• Your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory.
• Your lap-top computer costs more than your car.

Coffee

A person who is coughed upon.

Have a very LARGE day, Folliers!!!

me