Fogie's Follies, Frolics & Funnies

Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go. -T.S. Eliot

October 18, 2004

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[5 out of 4 people have trouble with fractions.]

Fogie's Folly
Greetings, Laff Lovers!!! Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor. In ancient Greece (469-399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. Once an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife. Philosophically, me

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In the morning, he rolled over when he awoke, and sleeping peacefully beside him was the UGLIEST girl he'd ever seen.

Very quietly, he slipped his arm out from under her, got up, and dressed as fast as he could.

He put a twenty-dollar bill on the bureau and started to tip-toe out.

Just then he felt a tug on his pants leg.

Looking down, he saw a girl even UGLIER than the one in the bed.

She looked up at him, smiled a toothless smile, and asked, "Nothing for the bridesmaid?"

A new medical study says that meat can almost be as bad for you as smoking. What`s really bad is second-hand meat.

"President Bush is calling dozens of the world’s most powerful nations asking them to support him in his effort to stabilize war-torn Iraq, In related news, dozens of the world’s most powerful nations are developing the first international Do-Not-Call Registry."
~Kevin Kallaugher, The Baltimore Sun

"Senator Bill Frist's son, William Frist Jr., who is a student at Princeton, was arrested this week in New Jersey for drunk driving. A very serious charge. So let's see, he's got the same name as his father, who is a powerful Republican leader, went to an Ivy league school, got arrested for drunk driving. You know what that means? He could go on to become president of the United States."
~Jay Leno

"I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job."
~George W. Bush

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Scholars Grapple With Godzilla Legacy

LAWRENCE, Kan. - He's attacked other monsters and terrorized Japan for decades. Now Godzilla is confronting academics who want to wrestle with his legacy.

The University of Kansas plans to pay homage to the giant lizard later this month, organizing a three-day scholarly conference for the 50th anniversary of his first film. It's not just about celebrating campy creature features. Planners want to provoke discussion of globalization, Japanese pop culture and Japanese-American relations after World War II.

"I would like people to take Godzilla more seriously," said Bill Tsutsui, a history professor at the University of Kansas and author of the book "Godzilla on My Mind," which discusses the history of the monster's movies.

The conference that begins Oct. 28 will offer speeches, panel discussions and free screenings of Godzilla films, including "Gojira," the Japanese movie that started Godzilla's career in November 1954.

Atop the movie theater will be an inflatable 28-foot Godzilla balloon. Items from Tsutsui's collection of Godzilla memorabilia will be on display in the university's main library.

The notion of a serious Godzilla conference drew puzzled looks on campus. "It's kind of odd," freshman Kathleen Schafer said. "I didn't think scholars would be interested." But historians, anthropologists and other academics are coming from universities such as Duke, Harvard and Vanderbilt.

Japan's Toho Co. has produced 27 Godzilla films in five decades, with a 28th movie, "Godzilla: Final Wars," to be released in December. An American "Godzilla" was released in 1998, though many aficionados don't consider it a true Godzilla movie. Yoshikuni Igarashi, director of east Asian studies at Vanderbilt, sees Godzilla films as important cultural artifacts. For example, the first Godzilla film came only eight months after the United States tested a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific. The movie — in which H-bomb testing disturbs Godzilla's undersea habitat and transforms him into a behemoth with fiery, radioactive breath — reflects anxiety and a feeling of helplessness in the face of a nuclear threat, Igarashi said.

Two Japanese foundations provided $35,000 to help fund the conference. Takao Shibata, the Japanese consul general in Kansas City, Mo., said the meeting will help educate people about his nation but acknowledged: "The idea of this kind of serious analysis of the evolution of Godzilla — it never occurred to me."

[Hmm, deep concept for a scholarly conference! How Faceless Men In Rubber Dino Suits, Battling Cheap-assed Toy War Devices, Can Affect The Geo-Political Wellbeing Of A Small Group Of Islands Off The Coast Of A Communist Country.]

And if that wasn't enough...

Ga. Man Watches Disaster Movie, Burns Home

CORDELE, Ga. - There was no "Day After Tomorrow" for Charles Alton Adams' mobile home, which the south Georgia man told police he set on fire after watching the disaster movie and drinking beer.

Adams, 32, walked into the Crisp County Law Enforcement Center early Thursday and told deputies he had burned down the doublewide home.

He told deputies that after watching "The Day After Tomorrow," a special-effects extravaganza depicting deadly natural disasters caused by global warming, and drinking nine or 10 beers, he decided to set fire to pillows on his bed.

When asked why, Crisp County Sheriff Donnie Haralson said, "I have asked that question myself. ... The whole thing just doesn't really make sense."

Haralson said Adams was been charged with arson. He remained jailed Friday as family members attempted to raise money for his bond.

[There's GOTTA be a country song in here somewhere! I'm just glad he wasn't watching "Deliverance" instead.]

Four dads were having a game of golf with their sons. While the sons were ahead on the next hole, the dads started to talk about how well their sons were doing.

The first dad said, "My son is doing great in the garage building business. He's doing so well that he gave a friend a new garage!"

The second dad said, "That's nothing. My son has his own car business. And he's done so well that he gave a new car to one of his friends."

The third dad said, "My son has topped both of yours. My son has self-owned housing business. He has done so well in the past year that he had enough to give a house to a friend."

The fourth dad didn't say anything. One of the other three asked him, How is your son doing?"

The fourth dad said, "Well, I still don't like how my son is gay and has no work. But he is doing quite well. He's received a new house, a new garage, and a new car."

The Top 5 Things Overheard in Martha Stewart's Cell

5> "OK, Ashton, you can come out and punk me now."

4> "I carved this soap into a glue gun."

3> "This isn't the first gated community I've lived in."

2> "Kmart is marketing my shivs in eight designer colors."

and Topfive.com's Number 1 Thing Overheard in Martha Stewart's Cell...

1> "I am NOT your bitch; I am my own."

Thanks to The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com
Copyright 2004 by Chris White

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Combining the comfort of a finely crafted bathroom accouterment with the legendary looks of your favorite guitars.

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On average women say 7,000 words per day. Men manage just over 2000.

Circumvent

The opening in the front of boxer shorts.

On Fogie's Folly regarding Bush vs. Kerry...

I love to see you liberals cry like little babies. I mean, it's funny enough as it is, seeing as you're suicidal that Kerry's going to lose this year. Cry baby, cry. :) -Tim, St. Louis MO.
[Riding that 42% approval rating all the way to the polls are ya?]

You my son are a sad one. Bush will protect America. Skerry will appease the french and germans. I will take my chance with the guy protecting my country. Go back in your hole liberal! -Charley
["Skerry???" Wow, so very clever and droll. Oh, my side! My side! Now, go back to your crack pipe.]

Go President Kerry! Cheney...I mean the fat lady... is singing in the White House. Bush better start packing. I can't wait for Saturday! Early voting! -Matt, Eau Claire, WI
[Easy there, big fella. And why the heck did you have to put an image of a fat Cheney singing opera in my head?]

I see the Welfarocrats are up and about... rather early for you all isn't it? -Lucy
[Welfarocrats... that's pretty funny. You seem willing to spend a lot of money on the welfare of Iraq but your email implies you'd rather not spend any on America. Are you aware that universal health care is planned for the Iraqis? So, to sum up:

$200 billion on Iraq: well spent.
$200 billion on our fellow Americans: socialism.]

ok - the first time was a coup, but if the american people actually CHOOSE that blithering idiot bush, the entire country will be a laughingstock within the international community. -Mickey
[I totally agree. Even if Bush did a good job I'd vote him out for filching the election in 2004. The only thing worse than a coup de tat is a person from Connecticut that talks with a Texas accent.]

America is divided because you liberals have pushed too far in an effort to force your political ideologies on the rest of us. All us conservatives really want is the freedom to conduct our lives the way we see fit within the boundaries of the law. -
[Like trying to impose a ban on someone else having an abortion? Or is it more like denying gays the same rights as heterosexuals? Perhaps it's more akin to exercising religious beliefs, as long as they're western christian beliefs.]

Regarding the news story "Doctor Says Woman Has Sleep-Sex Disorder"...

Okay, doubting Thomas! I am a major league sleep-walker. I didn't even know I slept walk until I was in college, and my dorm mates told me. My husband has found me moving furniture, using a real knife to cut imaginary vegetables, making phone calls, and eating or something (He awoke to find me on the kitchen floor after all the food in the refrigerator had been thrown about.) I've divorced him a few times in my sleep (it depended on what book I was reading); at first he'd get upset, but now he has a sense of humor about it. It's not a joke. It's not like you went and tied one on and did stupid things, something you can control. It's something that causes anxiety about sleeping away from home. Try to have some compassion for this woman. I feel sorry for her. -Gina
[But how exactly would you leave your house, by coincidence meet up with a stranger somewhere in town, progress to having sex with them, put your clothes back on, wander back home, and climb into bed, asleep, none the wiser? You've divorced your husband a few times in your sleep? Did you actually make an appointment and have a consultation with a divorce lawyer while sleep walking? I doubt it. As for compassion, why the heck would anyone write to us looking for compassion?]

A girl down the hall in my dorm, used to sleepwalk. When she slept, she would make phone calls and talk in French. She never studied French! I have no idea how she picked it up. One night, in the middle of winter, she sleep walked to her fiancee's dorm, and slept outside in the snow there. Found herself in the yard the next morning. Rebecca
[I'm sorry, I slept through your email. Did we just have sex?]

Please delete this article or that will be my husband's next excuse!!!! -Alma
[Yeah, this could really catch on as an excuse. O'Reilly quick... this will save you $60 million!]

I think I met her because I could have sworn that lady was either asleep or dead. Makes me feel better now since it bothered me at the time. -Big John
[Sounds like one of Knox's typical dates... except for the having sex part.]

Bush engages in sleep warmongering. -Luke, Crawford, TX
[Naturally, he's been snoozing through his entire presidency.]

My X had the same thing. It eventually ruined our relationship. Great woman... I'm sorry I had to shoot her. -Derrick, Riverside, CA
[Let me guess... you shot her in your sleep!]

G. Dubbya explains the concept of "sovereignty" in the way that only he can explain it... or understand it.

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Have a very LARGE day, Folliers!!!

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