One day an out of work mime was visiting and hoping to earn some money. The zookeeper explained that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla had died suddenly. He offered the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they could get a new one. The mime accepted.

The next morning the mime put on the gorilla suit and entered the cage. It was a great job. He could sleep all he wanted, play and make fun of people and he drew bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. But, eventually the crowds tired of him and began to pay more attention to the lion in the cage next to his.

In an effort to recapture their attention, he climbed to the top of his cage, crawled across a partition, and dangled from the top of the lion's cage. The lion was mad, but the crowd loved it so much that the zoo keeper came and gave the mime a raise.

Each time the mime taunted the lion, he got bigger and bigger raises. But one day he slipped and fell into the lion's cage.

The mime ran, but the lion finally caught up with the mime and had him pinned to the ground. The mime was screaming and fighting for his life, yelling, "Someone help me, PLEASE, help me!!!!"

The lion leaned over and said, "Shut up you moron! Do you want to get us both fired?"

"A Brown University graduate student in biology is wanted now for allegedly stealing a herpes virus from the university lab. That’s when you know you’re a nerd, when you have to steal the herpes virus instead of going out and catching it in the wild like everyone else."
      ~Jay Leno

"We should not tell our kids they can be whatever they want to be. We should ask them, 'What will you settle for?' You want to be a fireman? How about working as a short order cook at Sizzler? There are flames involved."
      ~Robert G. Lee

"Rather than take a chance of being embarrassed again, I'm going to start buying colored handkerchiefs."
      ~Senator Howell Heflin, after pulling a pair of his wife's underwear out of his pocket.

SYDNEY, Australia - Miss Universe (news - web sites) Jennifer Hawkins has inadvertently sparked a crime spree in her Australian hometown and civic leaders have had enough.

Five signs erected in her honor in the economically depressed steel-making city of Newcastle have been stolen in the six months since she was crowned, Mayor Greg Piper said Tuesday.

The city council has decided it will no longer replace the signs, which cost 250 Australian dollars (US$194; euro145) each, he said.

"As a council, I think it's improper for us to continue putting the signs up when we know they're going to be vandalized," he said, adding he didn't want to spend any more taxpayers' money.

The first sign, erected in August at the outer suburb of Holmesville where the 20-year-old beauty queen's family lives, was swiped within 24 hours.

The council tried to make succeeding signs more secure by welding them to steel posts, but to no avail.

[Of all the whack headlines... I could imagine:

"Dog Bites Self"
"Americans Cross Mexican Border for Jobs"
"Snoopdog to Star in Man of LaMancha"
"Jessica Simpson Cures Cancer"

But the one that I never would have thought of would be "Beauty Queen Sparks Hometown Crime Spree."]

New Corporate Policy

Our Corporate Operations Committee has defined a lower cost alternative to the previously planned switch to LINUX systems. All computers will be removed from every desktop. Instead, everyone will be provided with an Etch-A-Sketch.

There are many sound and viable reasons for this decision:

  1. No technical glitches keeping work from being done.

  2. No more wasted time reading and writing emails.

  3. Reduction in technical support calls will reduce our costs associated with maintaining our I.S. help desk.

  4. Reduction in hardware costs.

  5. Elimination of all software license fees.

  6. Reduction in the amount of training necessary for new hires.

  7. Can be used at the desktop as well as away from the office due its extreme portability.

  8. Extremely low cost makes them disposable (when one breaks, we will simply replace it).

  9. We can now hire 1st graders to do your job.

10. We will maintain a virus free environment... No more Norton.

In anticipation of the questions some of you will undoubtedly have regarding this corporate decision, we have prepared a list of the most Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A-Sketch Help Desk:

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has all of these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What's the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I create a New Document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same color?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I save my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Don't shake it.

Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe."

Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Morris, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000. In all honesty I cannot unfairly accept two bribes."

The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Campos saying, "Now then, I'm returning your $10,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"

No taxes, no land mass, no wars. A slap at royalty, normalcy and the status quo.

http://smartuniverse.com/

The people who started college this fall across the nation were born in 1986.

• They are too young to remember the space shuttle Challenger blowing up.
  
• Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
  
• Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
  
• The CD was introduced the year before they were born.
  
• They have always had an answering machine.
  
• They have always had cable.
  
• They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
  
• Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
  
• Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
  
• They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
  
• They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
  
• They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
  
• They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane Boss, de plane".
  
• They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.
  
• McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
  
• They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

To send an email to Fogie and try to attain your very own 15kb of fame in the Fallout, click here.

I am WAAAAAAYYYYY behind on my email. But I promise to spend the next couple of days catching up and deliver you a double dose of Fallout in the next issue.

Disconfect

To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming that somehow it will remove all the germs.

Project: The Game

Yale pulled off the ultimate prank on Harvard alumni. Watch the video to see exactly how they did it.

Have a very LARGE day, Folliers!!!

me