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| Fogie's
Follies, Frolics & Funnies |
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| Only
those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they
can go. -T.S. Eliot |
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[Only 361 shopping days 'til Christmas!]
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[Before
we get started today, I want to make a blatantly shallow request
of each and every one of you. The Follies has always been, remains
and shall always be free to you, the readers. It is not, however,
free to produce and publish. We rely on your support of our
advertisers and the sale of Fru-Fru and partnered products to
maintain the site and our livelihood. We will soon be launching
FollyMart, a shopping portal to many of the best and most reputable
sellers on the internet. We'll tell you more about that as the
launch grows closer.
As for now, my immediate request
of you has to do with one of our main sponsors and a company
many of you are already familiar with as a trusted and valuable
merchant, Overstock.com. Overstock has unveiled another way
for you to save big as well as make money on items you no longer
want, Overstock.com
Auctions!
Overstock.com
Auctions is a premium auction site providing a unique opportunity
for sellers, shoppers and friends to meet and interact. By combining
shopping, auctions, and personal networking into one site Overstock.com
is truly the premier shopping destination on the internet.
We are currently engaged in a
contest with other ezines to register the most new users at
Overstock.com
Auctions before the end of the year.
We are asking you to click on the banner at the top of the page
or one of the text links in this introduction and simply register
at Overstock.com
Auctions. It's easy, it's fast and it's FREE!
Plus,
register now and you could walk away with $50,000!
So, join the easier, cheaper
and friendlier auction site and get in early as the dawn of
a new era of internet auctions begins. It'll be good for your
wallet and ours!
Thanks for your support. We now
return you to today's Follies, already in progress.]
Greetings, Laff Lovers!!!
The recent epidemic of sports violence spread to the North
Pole last week as a brawl erupted between fans and reindeer
at this year's reindeer games, resulting in the ejection and
suspension of Rudolph for the remainder of the season.
The games, a holiday classic that dates back to 1949, had a
mostly uneventful history until 2000, the year that beer and
other alcoholic beverages first became available for sale at
the event. Since then, fans say, the reindeer games have drawn
increasingly unruly crowds who aggressively goad the creatures
with catcalls and obscenities.
"Given how polluted the fans are, it's amazing that something
like this didn't happen sooner," said Yukon Cornelious,
a fan who makes the trip from Detroit every year to see the
reindeer play.
Rudolph, under fire this season for taking time off to promote
a new rap CD he produced, was the object of the fans' ire from
early in the first period after an on-the-field foul call with
Dancer. "Fans were laughing and calling him names,"
Mr. Cornelious said. "I didn't hear everything they said,
but they were not shouting out with glee."
After nearly two periods of such abuse culminating in a fan
tossing a cup of eggnog, Rudolph had had enough, prancing into
the stands and attempting to gore several fans with his antlers.
Mr. Cornelious said that alcohol may have played a role in
Rudolph's violent rampage. "It was obvious that he had
been drinking," Mr. Cornelious said. "Did you check
out his nose?"
Burl Ivesly,
me |
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Lead, FOLLY
or get out of the way with Folly Fru-Fru!
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These friars were behind on their belfry payments,
so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God,
a rival florist across town thought the competition was
unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would
not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They
ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade"
them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying
he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified,
they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh,
can prevent florist friars. |
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| I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married.
I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be
an even number? |
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From Steven
Wright
[Thanks to Melinda & Josh, Knoxville,
TN] "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace
Prize."
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left
me before we met."
"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
"How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"
"My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes,
so I made your horn louder.'" |
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| Pull
Fogie's Finger!
We have teamed up with Prank
Place and GagsPlus
to bring you the web's largest collection of outrageous pranks,
practical jokes, gag gifts and funny novelties. Although they
have several items in common, each also carries its own unique
products. So, be sure to check out both! Today's featured
item...
 Butt/Face
Towel
This is a unique item that addresses a serious issue in the
bathroom that most people aren't even aware of: Using the same
part of the towel to dry off your face that you used to dry
off your butt! Worse yet you may be sharing towels and drying
your face off with a part of the towel someone else used to
dry off THEIR butt! Available from both Prank
Place and GagsPlus.
Click here to get
yours or check out other fun stuff today! |
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| Man Burns
Down Home Over No Gifts FEASTERVILLE,
Pa. - A man angry that he got no presents for Christmas
burned down his parents' house early the next morning,
police said.
Steven Murray, 21, was charged with arson and risking
a catastrophe in the blaze that broke out early Sunday.
No one was injured.
Police said Murray had himself committed to a hospital
on Christmas Day, but then signed himself out and walked
eight miles home. Later he told police he saw the flames
in the distance.
But officers said his jacket smelled of smoke and they
found a lighter in his pocket and a gas can near the front
door.
"He was irritated that his family gave him no presents
for Christmas," Lower Southampton police officer
Peter Liese said.
Murray was jailed on $1 million bail. It was not immediately
known whether he had a lawyer.
[And Santa gets a jump
start on next year's "naughty" list.] |
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A man asked his friend, a crop duster, how his day
had gone.
"It was the worst day of my life," replied
the man. "This morning I was up in my plane dusting
a field when I nicked a power line and damaged the wing
on the plane. When I got back to the office, my boss chewed
me out. Then the guy from the FAA chewed me out. On my
way home, I stopped at a bar and was handed a warm beer.
So I yelled at the bartender, 'Don't you have any cold
beer?!'"
"The bartender said, 'Sorry, but we've been out
of electricity all day ever since some idiot crop-duster
hit a power line down the road." |
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PC is probably infected with adware & spyware if:
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* Your PC is running extremely slow
* You are pestered by those horrible popup ads
Don't let people invade your privacy and slow
down your PC! Try
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your PC is infected! |
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Carole was planning her upcoming wedding and asked
to wear her mother's wedding gown. When she tried it on,
it was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Suddenly, her
mother's eyes filled with tears. Putting an arm around
her, Carole lovingly said, "Don't cry, Mom. Remember,
you aren't losing a daughter, you're gaining a son."
"Oh, forget about that!" her mother sobbed.
"I used to fit into that gown!" |
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| First
Names & What They Mean What
does your name mean? Where does it come from? Find the
answers to these questions and more.
http://www.zelo.com/firstnames/find.asp |
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The Top 5
Holiday Songs for People Who Hate the Holidays
5> Rest In Peace, Ye Merry Gentlemen
4> O Letter Bomb
3> Rudolph the Fresh-Made Venison
2> Prosty the Ho-Man
and Topfive.com's
Number 1 Holiday Song for People Who Hate the Holidays...
1> Grandma got Hungover on Champagne, Dear
Thanks to The Top
5 List http://www.topfive.com
Copyright 2004 by Chris White |
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To send an email to Fogie and try to
attain your very own 15kb of fame in the Fallout, click here.
Regarding
"Basketbrawl"...
you low life piece of crap. the fans started it with the food
and drinks. dont blame the players you jealous, envious typical
white trash. oh i mean poor white trash. -kilroy, southern california
[Who said I was typical, moron?]
Never throw beer on an enraged, 7 foot-tall, 275 pound, steriod-injected
athlete. -Crowl, Springfield, MO
[Good Safety Tip, Egon.]
Regarding
"Politically Correct Nativity"...
I generally do not mind what you parody, but making fun of
the nativity and birth of our Lord is NOT the kind of thing
I find humorous! And I am betting the Lord Our God was not amused
either! -Becca
[Becca, I must wholeheartedly
disagree. I firmly believe that God has a tremendous sense of
humor; just go look in a mirror.]
Your article shows better than any other you have written how
unintelligent you really are. Some things are just not proper
subjects for humor. If you truly were as intelligent as you
play yourself up to be, then you would realize that such material
is inappropriate. -Russell
[As far as I can remember, there
is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence; and
in this respect you seem to be following gospel authority quite
closely.]
Judging from the way you write and the words you use, I'd think
you purposely write to confuse the average reader and inflate
your own ego by showing off your vocabulary. -Mark
[Are you saying In the ascertainment
of an excogitation of linguistic proclivity, one might ascribe
to the mentation that a phratry exists in which some encyclopedists
designedly cultivate a nonplussed ambience hypothecated to befuddle
the vox populi?]
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