[Where are we going and why am I in this hand
basket?]
Fogie's
Folly
Greetings, Laff Lovers!!!
Mrs. Fogie & I have five children between us. Last night
we were chatting about how we had changed as parents from our
first child to the last and came to the conclusion that we had
both mellowed considerably over the years.
For example, when our oldest children coughed or sneezed, we
called the ambulance. But the other day when Kelsey, our youngest,
swallowed a dime, we just told her it was coming out of her
allowance.
Parentally,
me
Lead, FOLLY
or get out of the way with Folly Fru-Fru!
Clothing, hats, mugs, mousepads, posters and more... some
even have the soon-to-be-famous pic of Fogie himself. Now
you can wish everyone a LARGE
day!!! Today's featured item...
Have
a LARGE Day!
Live LARGE,
play LARGE,
work LARGE...
and wish everyone else a very, very LARGE
day! Many items to choose from and you can save starting today!
Just enter coupon code "VDAY50" for savings now
through 02/03/05!
Click here
to get yours or check out our other Fru-Fru today!
Thanks
to Kevin, Scotland
The other day I phoned my local pizza delivery firm
and asked for a thin and crusty supreme. They sent me
Diana Ross.
Random
Thought
Heck is where people go when they don't believe in gosh.
Notable
Quotables
From Steven
Wright
[Thanks to Melinda, Knoxville, TN]
"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left
me before we met."
"OK, so what's the speed of dark?"
"How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"
"My mechanic told me, 'I couldn't repair your brakes,
so I made your horn louder.'"
Pull
Fogie's Finger!
We have teamed up with Prank
Place and GagsPlus
to bring you the web's largest collection of outrageous pranks,
practical jokes, gag gifts and funny novelties. Although they
have several items in common, each also carries its own unique
products. So, be sure to check out both! Today's featured
item...
Your
key to a FUN Valentines Day!
When flowers just aren't enough, you need FUNNY Valentine
Gifts, from the leader in fun gifts... GagsPlus!
Tired of those traditional Valentine gifts? Yeah, we hate those
boring gifts, too. Imagine her face when she opens her Colossal
Diamond Ring... Or tell him how you really feel with one of
our outrageous Boner Babies!
Click here to get
yours or check out other fun stuff today!
Notorious
News
Speaker
Touts Stripping to 8th Graders
SAN
FRANCISCO - The principal of a Palo Alto middle school
may not invite a popular speaker back to an annual career
day after he told girls they could earn a good living
as strippers.
Management consultant William Fried told eighth-graders
at Jane
Lathrop Stanford Middle School on Tuesday that stripping
and exotic dancing can pay $250,000 or more per year,
depending on their bust size. "It's sick, but it's
true," Fried said in an interview later. "The
truth of the matter is you can earn a tremendous amount
of money as an exotic dancer, if that's your desire."
Fried has given a popular 55-minute presentation, "The
Secret of a Happy Life," at the school's career day
the past three years. He counsels students to experiment
with a variety of interests until they discover something
they love and excel in.
But school principal Joseph Di Salvo said Fried may not
be back next year. The principal said Fried's comments
to the class came after some of them asked him to expand
on why he included "exotic dancing" on his list
of 140 potential careers. Fried spent about a minute answering
questions, defining strippers and exotic dancers synonymously.
According to Jason Garcia, 14, he told students: "For
every 2 inches up there, you should get another $50,000
on your salary."
"A couple of students egged him and he took it hook,
line and sinker," said Di Salvo, who also said the
students took advantage of a substitute teacher overseeing
the session. "It's totally inappropriate," Di
Salvo said. "It's not OK by me. I would want my presenters
to kind of understand that they are coming into a career
day for eighth-graders."
That stripping advice wasn't the only thing that riled
parents. Di Salvo said one mother said she was outraged
when her son announced that he was forgoing college for
a field he loves: fishing. "He really focused on
finding what you really love to do," said Mariah
Cannon, 13.
Fried, 64, said he does not think he offended any of
the students: "Eighth-grade kids are not dumb,"
he said. "They are pretty worldly."
[Hopefully Fried also mentioned
bank robbery as an excellent career choice for the boys.]
Thanks
to Martin &
Cindy, Bermuda
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that
she is staying home because she is not feeling well. "What's
the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of anal glaucoma," she says
in a weak voice.
"What the hell is anal glaucoma?"
"I can't see my butt coming into work today."
Thanks
to Sharon O, QLD, Australia
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his
employees about an urgent problem with one of the main
computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number
and was greeted with a child's whisper.
"Hello?"
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?"
The child whispered, "No."
Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss
asked, "Is your mummy there?"
"Yes."
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a
message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the
policeman?"
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?"
"Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the Fireman",
came the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded
like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the
boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now
alarmed.
In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The
search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little
frustrated the boss asked "What are they searching
for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied along with
a muffled giggle "ME!"
If the great horned owl were to be totally stripped of
its feathers, the naked bird would weigh less than its feathers.
Ludicrous
List
Signs
She's Getting Bored of Making Love With You
When you request sex, she replies, "Wait 'til
the Nyquil kicks in."
Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your butt.
Actually answers when you ask, "Who's your daddy?"
Last time she screamed during sex was the first time
she won at solitaire.
Only moans during commercial breaks.
Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.
Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.
You find yourself sitting backstage at the Jerry Springer
show.
You begin to suspect she is only "playing"
dead.
Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a WAV
file.
Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants
to leave her pants on too.
Keeps asking, "Are you SURE you're not gay?"
Asks to try a certain position so she can balance
her checkbook more easily.
She yells out her own name.
Word Whimsy
Abundance
A social event for bread rolls.
Folly Fallout
To send an email to Fogie and try to
attain your very own 15kb of fame in the Fallout, click here.
As of January 14, 1364 Americans have died in Iraq. "'Was
it worth it?" asked Barbara Walters. "Absolutely,"
responded G. Dubya. -Andrew [Not surprisingly, the dead include
none named Bush, Rumsfeld, Rice, Powell, Wolfowitz, Franks,
McCain, Blair, O'Rielly, Limbaugh, Hannity, Medved, Harvey Coulter,
Bennett ...]
Hey Fogie, you're starting to get funny again. Keep it up and
maybe they will offer you a writers position on the Simpson's
(no, too sophisticated ). How about a reality show... "Just
your average Fogie." -Doug [I have an idea for a reality
show for you. It'll be called, "The whiskey's gone, where's
my revolver?"]
Fogie, I heard Colin Powell say that the US will begin withdrawing
troops from Iraq this year and that the search for WMD's in
Iraq has officially ended. What gives? -Tonya [Formal surrender documents will
be signed during an official ceremony on the Lido deck of the
USS Arrogance.]
Hi Fogie is that your real name? Cuz I think its really sexy!
-Tracie [What's in a name? I could be
called Mary Pantyass and I'd still be the sexiest thing you're
ever likely to meet.]
Fogie, I love the fact that you speak your mind. More people
should follow your lead. You're brilliant! -Christine [Let me guess... stripper... right?]
Mr. Fogie: What's your take on Prince Harry attending a friend's
birthday costume party wearing a Nazi uniform? You surely have
a comment. -Sandy [The party's theme was "Dreams
of World Domination'" and guests were asked to come dressed
as some power-crazed madman like Stalin, Mussolini, Mao, Nero,
Bush, Hirohito, Napoleon...]
Hey Fogie, if women outnumber us 2.5 to one, then what do they
do with that half a woman? -Lewis [They're mostly married to midgets.]
In the first Abu Ghraib court martial the guy was found guilty
of assault, conspiracy, maltreatment, indecent acts and dereliction
of duty. Was a 10 year sentence a bit harsh or too little? -Alan [Well, the charge of impersonating
Prince Harry was dropped.]
Maniacal
Media
It's
been called, "Heaven Only Knows", "The Farting
Preacher" and even the "Joyful Noise" video,
but the name that has stuck since its inception in 1985 is "Pastor
Gas". Regardless of what you call it and although we generally
aren't into "fart" humor, these are truly some of
the funniest clips we have ever offered.
Just click here
to go to the FREEMember's Area
for this and more hilarious audio clips, videos and other stuff!
Check
out these other fine publications...
*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*
WILSON'S ALMANAC
2,500+ readers globally love this free
daily ezine from Australia http://www.wilsonsalmanac.com
"THINK UNIVERSALLY * ACT TERRESTRIALLY"
*Bizarre tales*Folklore*Birthdays*Freebies*Humor
Celebrities*Historical oddities*Inspiration*On This Day* WilsonsAlmanac-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*Ø*
The content of this web-site -- graphics, text
and other elements -- is made up of original material, items
submitted by readers and content considered, to the extent of
the publisher’s knowledge, to be in the public domain. The publisher
strives to give proper credit to the originator of all content
where known. If you believe this site contains material for
which you own the copyright and/or credit has not been duly
given to the originator, please contact the publisher at publisher@fogiesfollies.com.
Fogie's Follies® is a trademark of Folly
Publishing. All rights reserved.
Fogie's Follies® “R” and “NC17” versions
are not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
