[In some cultures what we do would be considered
normal.]
Fogie's
Folly
Greetings, Laff Lovers!!!
Mrs. Fogie and I were playing cards the other night with Knox
and his new girlfriend. Now, Knox is a mediocre card player
at best, and his attitude sucks. And as a general rule we don't
socialize together much, but the wife and I agreed to help him
try to make a good impression with this new girl who is a little
more normal (translation: not a slut, not for hire and more
brains than a doorknob) than his (un)usual g/f's.
Anyway, we played cards as partnered couples and we were crushing
them, mostly due to Knox's poor play. His g/f was a pretty good
player, but she could only look on blankly and shake her head
every time the man laid down a card.
During the game, Knox got up and went to the bathroom, leaving
the door ajar. Everyone listened as he urinated into the toilet.
Trying to save him from total embarrassment, Mrs. Fogie called
out, "Knox, would you please close the door!"
His g/f calmly said, "Never mind, it's the first time
since we started playing that I've known what the man has in
his hand."
Trumply,
me
Lead, FOLLY
or get out of the way with Folly Fru-Fru!
Clothing, hats, mugs, mousepads, posters and more... some
even have the soon-to-be-famous pic of Fogie himself. Now
you can wish everyone a LARGE
day!!! Today's featured item...
Have
a LARGE Day!
Live LARGE,
play LARGE,
work LARGE...
and wish everyone else a very, very LARGE
day! Many items to choose from and you can save starting today!
Just enter coupon code "VDAY50" for savings now
through 02/03/05!
Click here
to get yours or check out our other Fru-Fru today!
Thanks
to Sharon O, QLD, Australia
This woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the
doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you
something about your baby."
The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong
with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???"
The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly,
but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is
a hermaphrodite."
The woman says, "A hermaphrodite... what's that???"
The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...
er... features... of a male and a female."
The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You
mean it has a penis... AND a brain?"
Random
Thought
Cats have nine lives, making them ideal for experimentation.
Notable
Quotables
"My dad's a writer. His favorite expression is 'The
pen's mightier than the sword,' which I believed for a long
time. Until I moved into the city, and I got into a fight
with this guy. He cut me up real bad, and I drew a mustache
on his face... and then I wrote him a nasty letter."
~Kevin
Brennan
"My girlfriend and I are talking
about getting married. She keeps asking me if I can support
her, but she knows I can; she's always on my back." ~Scott
Ward
"It's going to be fun to watch
and see how long the meek can keep the earth after they
inherit it." ~Kin
Hubbard
Pull
Fogie's Finger!
We have teamed up with Prank
Place and GagsPlus
to bring you the web's largest collection of outrageous pranks,
practical jokes, gag gifts and funny novelties. Although they
have several items in common, each also carries its own unique
products. So, be sure to check out both! Today's featured
item...
Your
key to a FUN Valentines Day!
When flowers just aren't enough, you need FUNNY Valentine
Gifts, from the leader in fun gifts... GagsPlus!
Tired of those traditional Valentine gifts? Yeah, we hate those
boring gifts, too. Imagine her face when she opens her Colossal
Diamond Ring... Or tell him how you really feel with one of
our outrageous Boner Babies!
Click here to get
yours or check out other fun stuff today!
Notorious
News
Cops:
Alleged Robber Calls Victim for Date
NEW CASTLE, Del. - Police say a man involved in the recent
robbery of a Domino's Pizza delivery woman would be a
good candidate for "World's Dumbest Criminal."
Police say that after two men robbed the woman, one of
them called the victim on his cell phone to apologize
— and to ask her out on a date. The victim, 18,
declined the request, instead giving the cell phone number
to police, who arrested Brent Brown, 25, on Thursday.
Police also arrested Andre Moore, 18, and were looking
for a 16-year-old linked to the crime.
Officers searched a residence and found the pizza boxes
in the trash can with the original receipt still attached.
Brown and Moore were charged with second-degree robbery.
[I should have saved this
story for Valentines Day... He steals the pizza from the
woman and then tries to steal her heart. Ain't it romantic?
Anyway, kinda makes you wonder about the Delaware gene
pool. eh?
Meanwhile, on the left
coast...]
Firefighters
Suspended for Sex on Duty
SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - Four Sacramento, California
firefighters who admitted to having sex while on duty
have been suspended pending an investigation, a spokesman
for the city's fire department said on Tuesday.
The three men, including a captain, admitted to having
sex with a fourth firefighter, a woman, while on duty.
Superiors put all four on administrative leave on Monday,
marking the second recent sex scandal to hit the sleepy
state capital's fire department.
"The four individuals have admitted to having sex
in the firehouse," said Captain Niko King, a spokesman
for the department. "They even conspired to keep
it secret by putting one person on watch so they wouldn't
get caught."
The firefighters face disciplinary action ranging from
time off without pay to dismissal, said King, noting officials
took quick action as rumors of on-duty sex circulated
through the department. The probe follows an investigation
after city firefighters attended a local porn-star costume
ball last July. The department began that probe, its largest
internal investigation ever, after a woman who does not
work for the department said she had been sexually assaulted
by a firefighter in a department fire truck.
[I'm gonna go ahead and
start counting all the "he was showing her his hose"
and "they were putting out fires" emails.]
Thanks
to Zak, Louisville, KY
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her
husband is at work. Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old
son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly,
so she hid her lover in the closet. The boy now has company.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy
and the mom's lover are in the closet together.
Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab
your ball and glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't. I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says, "$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your
friends like that. That is way more than those two things
cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father alerts the priest, and
makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes
the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that crap again"
Thanks
to Susan, Texas
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After
it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the pilot
made an announcement over the intercom: "Ladies and
gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight
Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The
weather ahead is good and we should have a smooth and
flight. Now, sit back and relax -- " OH, MY GOD!"
Dead silence followed.
After a few minutes, the pilot came back on the intercom
and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if
I scared you earlier. But, while I was speaking, the flight
attendant brought me a cup of hot coffee and spilled the
coffee all over my lap. You should see the front of my
pants!"
A passenger in coach shouted back, "That's nothing.
You should see the BACK of mine!"
Lock &
Load Link
Don't
Gross Out the World
Can you pass
the test on "Dining Etiquette of the World"?
Things
You Don't Want to Hear While Getting a Tattoo
"Eagle? I thought you said beagle."
"We're all out of red, so I used pink."
"There are 2 Os in Bob, right?"
"Sorry, sir, your chest will only hold the bottle
dinghy."
"That call was for you. Hope you meet someone
else named Tahiti Sweetie."
"I hate it when I get the hiccups."
"Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty
of room back here."
"I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this
before."
"The flag's all done and, you know, the folds
of fat make a nice waving effect."
Folly Fallout
To send an email to Fogie and try to
attain your very own 15kb of fame in the Fallout, click here.
Regarding
"Speaker Touts Stripping to 8th Graders"...
Dang, instead of being an underpaid professor, I should have
gone into exotic dancing. -Bernie [Dude, your name is Bernie...
what kinda name is that for a stripper. Remember, however, that
crack whore, drug dealer and hit man can also be lucrative.]
The truth of the matter is that not one of the female students
in that classroom will actually wind up being an exotic dancer
by the time she's 18. I doubt the parents would have been enraged
if he had told the guys what the average salary an NBA player
makes, a next-to-impossible occupation to achieve but the dream
of many young men. $250,000/year sounds pretty good to an 8th
grader until they realize the stigma that comes with stripping.
-JT, Derry, NH [There's a stigma associated with
stripping?!?!]
I BLAME BRITNEY SPEARS! These girls are already dressing like
strippers anyways. -Mike [Right! Because before Britney,
young girls were all so sweet and innocent.]
The truth hurts... The guy is right. Strippers make good money.
Of course, they have to endure drunk idiots every night they
work. -Griffin [Me too.]
He's a hero! We need more strippers!!! With all this "everybody
is ok and high self esteem" stuff who's going to woman
the brass pools of tomorrows strip bars? -Robert [You're right. It takes a lot
of drunk daddies not showing up for dance recitals to make a
stripper.]
I'd never ever ever raise a child on the left coast, surrounded
by liberals who tout stripping to young girls. Next they'll
be handing out abortions and drug rehab without telling their
parents..oh wait, they already do that. Pathetic sick place
to raise children..the left coast. -LibsRCowards [Yeah, if I were you I'd stay
in that backwoods Alabama trailer court and drink my PBR.]
General
comments...
I love your work! Any openings!?! -Charles [You can have my spot.]
How can you gripe about the cost of the war when there are
1980 helicopters and tanks still in use in Iraq? -William [I guess it's not too much to
ask that our khakied crusaders being needlessly slaughtered
meet their Big Commander-in-Chief in up-to-date equipment.]
You put out a good page. I like your reply to the man who wanted
a naked pic of you! -Theresa [And what's your reply to us who
want a nekkid pic of you?]
The US says we can't guarantee the safety of Iraqi voters --"Some
security personnel guarding the polling places may be insurgents."
That should really get them to the polls! -Betty [To make matters worse, the Pentagon
admits that their supply of "I Voted" stickers appears
woefully inadequate.]
You are so funny and I enjoy reading your e-mail every time.
As with Kizzy, you surprised me also with the best breasts are
natural. You are a real man. Obviously more sensual and real
than some other men. By the way, I'm 57 years old, a 34B and
very firm. Take care, -Cheryl. [Of course I'm a caring and sensitive
man... now send us pics of those 34Bs so we can give you a professional
opinion.]
A small group of GOP congressmen have renewed the push for
a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. Will they never
stop? -Robin [Joining their two other dead-horse
amendment proposals, stars 'n' stripes barbecuing and classroom
relig-o-babble.]
congratulations you have actually convinced me that u are insane.
anybody who would talk about crap like that and send it to as
load of people is crazy. You have my complete and utter approval.
Keep up the good work. -Holly [Oh, well, as long as I have your
approval I guess I can start coming out of my shell a bit.]
Fogie, I know how much you hate reality TV. Have you heard
about WB's "Beauty and the Geeks" which will match
seven brainy nerds with seven not-so-brainy babes? -Caitlin
[The show is being described as a cross
between "Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs," "The
Magnificent Seven," "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers"
and "Ocean's Twelve."]
And again a comment about your president! For a country that
"thinks" it's the absolute BEST.... you sure know
how to pick your leaders. America probably have the most crap
of all the other countries in the world but still you put yourself
right up there between god and Zeus! Just remember the rest
of the world treats you with the same respect you show yourself...
which in essence is to hell with all! -Proudly South African,
Maryna [Before you go waving your flag
of moral indignation let's remember which country was still
practicing apartheid as recently as 1993.]
Fogie, I would like to ask you for some advice. My mother in
law is a complete bitch. She is a nagging, bitchy, nothing is
ever nice that comes out of her mouth, holier than thou catholic.
READ: Nazi-religious, has not had a manin a long long time.
How can I get her out of at the very least my life, even better,
both of our lives? -Jenn [Got a flight of stairs in your
house?]
Hey Fogie, the trailer park called... they want their trash
back. -Love, Brenna [I'm amused that the trailer park
has your number on speed dial.]
Dude! You're awesome. You know how to speak your mind, unlike
the rest of this corrupt imperialistic country. People are scared
to talk to me because I speak my mind. They feel like they can't
have an opinion. Sometimes when I read your stuff I want to
scream, because we share the same opinions. -Casie [Remind me to never have a conversation
with you over dinner in a nice, quiet restaurant.]
Trivial
Tidbit
Single women make up 15% of home buyers, second largest
group after couples. Their faucets leak too, which is one
of the reasons that women make half of all purchases at
Home Depot and Lowe's.
Word Whimsy
Dilate
To live longer than expected.
Maniacal
Media
Whether
you love 'im or hate 'im, you have to admit that G. Dubya has
said some pretty funny things and here's a video clip of what
we like to call "Bushisms".
Just click here
to go to the FREEMember's Area
for this and more hilarious audio clips, videos and other stuff!
Check
out these other fine publications...
We
have been looking for you! Wanna share a joke or a link
or a recipe? Maybe u have some poetry or music u would
like to share? Then come on over to Graphic-Sites-N-More.
This is a Kid-Friendly Group. No Adult themes. We have
something for every member of your family. Come on over
and Join the Fun!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
It's 6:00 PM. Do you know what you are making for dinner?
Looking for a special recipe? Have recipes or tips you
would love to share? If so come join the LOHE Recipes
E-Zine. Join Scarlet 5 days a week as she shares with
you some of the most mouth watering recipes found on
the web...You'll be glad you did.
Subscribe e-mail: lawsofhumor_recipes-subscribe@topica.com
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I
search the web so you don't have to.
NobleEd News provides you weekly Website
Recommendations,tons of Educational Freebies and
a Feature Article. You can read the latest Edition at http://www.NobleEdNews.com/newsletter.htm
To subscribe go to http://www.NobleEdNews.com
and put your e-mail address in the subscribe box.
Smile
A While We're
not just another joke list. We're the kinder, gentler,
more intelligent joke list. (Kind of like those new
fangled laxatives.... works when you need it.) Smile
A While is a daily list of jokes and a voyeuristic look
at the author and her family (no photos...) as they
struggle past the speed bumps of Life. Give us a try.
It's FREE. What have you got to lose except maybe your
own sour outlook? Smile A While is the #1 Clean
Joke list on Fun-Lists.com. Can't be all bad.
The content of this web-site -- graphics, text
and other elements -- is made up of original material, items
submitted by readers and content considered, to the extent of
the publisher’s knowledge, to be in the public domain. The publisher
strives to give proper credit to the originator of all content
where known. If you believe this site contains material for
which you own the copyright and/or credit has not been duly
given to the originator, please contact the publisher at publisher@fogiesfollies.com.
Fogie's Follies® is a trademark of Folly
Publishing. All rights reserved.
Fogie's Follies® “R” and “NC17” versions
are not intended for readers under 18 years of age.
