This image of what appears to be a captured US soldier was posted on an Iraqi militant website, Tuesday. According to the website, the militants threatened to behead the hostage in 72 hours unless the Americans release Iraqi prisoners.

Here's the AP story. Go ahead and check out the story... we'll wait.

In case you didn't actually go read the story, my favorite line is, "The figure in the photo appeared stiff and expressionless..."

Actually, the soldier was a a G.I. Joe action figure known as "Cody", and the gun is part of his action set.

"The figure in the photo appeared stiff and expressionless..." That just kills me.

A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced. The wife answered the door. "Come in," she said.

The other couple came in, sat down, then asked, "So, where's Jack?"

"Oh," replied his wife, "he's in the bathroom, grouting and spackling."

"Oh, dear," said the other lady, "I had that once and didn't get over it for two weeks."

"I'm on the Zoloft to keep from killing y'all."
      ~Mike Tyson

"I've been noticing gravity since I was very young."
      ~Cameron Diaz

"I think the longer I look good, the better gay men feel."
      ~Cher

LAKE JACKSON, Texas - A woman has been indicted on negligent homicide charges for allegedly giving her husband a sherry enema that killed him.

Michael Warner, 58, died last May after the enema caused his blood-alcohol level to rise to .47 percent.

"That's extremely high," Detective Lt. Robert Turner said. "You're either going to be in the hospital or the funeral home with that much alcohol."

Tammy Warner, 42, was indicted last week.

Turner said Michael Warner was an alcoholic who could not swallow liquor because of ulcers and heartburn.

"He was told that he could not drink alcohol or that he would die, according to the people that we interviewed," Turner said. "We are going to prove that she gave him the sherry and that she knew that he wasn't supposed to have any and that it could be detrimental to his health, and that she gave it to him anyway."

Tammy Warner was released on $30,000 bail. Her attorney did not immediately return a call Thursday.

[So, who the hell is Sherry and why is her getting an enema in the news?]

An elderly Italian Jewish man wanted to unburden his guilty conscience by talking to his Rabbi. "Rabbi, during World War 2, when the Germans entered Italy, I pretended to be a Catholic and changed my name from Levy to Spamoni, and I am alive today because of it."

"Self preservation is allowable, and the fact that you never forgot that you were a Jew is admirable," said the Rabbi.

"Rabbi, during the war, a beautiful Jewish woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my attic and they never found her."

"That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need to feel guilty."

"It's worse Rabbi. I was weak and told her she must repay me with sexual favors, which she did, repeatedly."

"You were both in great danger and would have suffered terribly if the Germans had found her. There is a favorable balance between good and evil, and you will be judged kindly. Give up your feelings of guilt."

"Thank you, Rabbi. That's a great load off my mind. But I have one more question."

"And what is that?"

"Should I tell her the war is over?"

There was a knock at John's door. It was a small boy, about six years old. Something of his had found its way into John's garage, he said, and he wanted it back.

Upon opening the garage door, John noticed two additions: a baseball and a broken window sporting a baseball-sized hole. "How do you suppose this ball got in here?" John asked the boy.

Taking one look at the ball, one look at the window, and one look at John, the boy exclaimed, "Wow! I must have thrown it right through that hole!"

Engrish

Engrish can be simply defined as the humorous English mistakes that appear in Japanese advertising and product design.

http://engrish.com/

After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, the father-to-be was admitted to the delivery room with his wife.

It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more minutes."

"Is it a girl or boy?" the father asked excitedly.

The doctor replied, "I don't know. It's hard to tell by the ears."

• The neighbors complain that your kids do full body cavity searches when playing cops and robbers.
  
• Your daughter uses Twizzlers as floggers.
  
• You go into the playroom and discover an interrogation chair built entirely of Legos.
  
• You come home and find them tickling a bound and gagged baby-sitter.
  
• They hand you the body harness and leash that they used as toddlers when it's time to go shopping.
  
• Your 12 year-old crawls over and eats out of the dog dish.
  
• Your son wants to know when he'll get his allowance, because he needs to pay his tab at the hardware store.
  
• You tell them they're too old to spank and they try to assure that they aren't.
  
• Your daughter speaks wistfully about being confined to the playpen while the other children played in the room.
  
• You yell out to your son to come and do his chores and he tells you he's tied up right now... and you check on him and find that he really is tied upright now.
  
• Your three year old is strutting around with clothespins hanging off his tongue.
  
• Their favorite game is Cowboy and Dominatrix.
  
• Your son earned his merit badge in tying knots... twelve times.
  
• They won't play Twister because they don't want to say "red."
  
• You notice her Barbie doll has G.I. Joe on a leash... or vice-versa.
  
• The 13 year-old begs for HIS first bra.
  
• You had to buy a clothes dryer because every time your kids went out to play, the clothesline and clothespins would vanish.
  
• You ask your daughter to walk the dog, only the dog's still home and the leash and your son aren't.
  
• Your son balks at toilet training... and he's 14.
  
• They made a violet wand for the science fair.

Benign

One year after you be eight.

Have a very LARGE day, Folliers!!!

me