Knox, Chet, Joe & I made our regular Saturday pilgrimage
to the links to chase little white orbs all over God's creation.
I teed up, addressed my ball and took a magnificent swing,
but something went awry and I hit a wicked slice. The ball left
the fairway we were playing, and went onto the adjoining one
where it hit a man full in the face. He dropped like a rock!
Rushing over to the man, we found him unconscious, and with
the ball lying between his feet.
"Oh my God!," exclaimed Chet, "what should we
do?"
"I'm not sure." said Knox. "But don't move him!
If we just leave him here he's an immovable obstruction and
you can either play the ball from where it lies, or drop it
two club lengths away without penalty."
Have a very LARGE
day, Folliers!
Forely,
me
Shirley's RessyPees
Be sure to try out Miz Shirley's
"RESSYPEES"
She is a powerful good cook,
and shes sharin notes...
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I
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Thanks
to Alan, Knoxville, TN
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband
Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing: You can have mine."
When a woman steals your husband, there
is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy,
how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying."
~ COME CLOWN AROUND WITH US ~
We've got make up ready to put a smile on your face !
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& loads of diversified
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Random
Thought
Does 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds?
Notable
Quotables
"There exists a widespread myth that humans should
learn about sex from their parents. My relationship with
my father nearly ended when he tried to teach me how to
drive. I can't imagine our relationship having survived
his instructing me how to have sex." ~Bob Smith
"If you really want something in this life, you
have to work for it - Now quiet, they're about to announce
the lottery numbers!" ~Homer
Simpson
"According to the latest Gallup Poll, one-quarter
of Americans are bilingual; the other three-quarters don't
speak any English at all." ~Jay
Leno
Notorious
News
Canada
suicide hotline to open only from 9 to 5
TORONTO - A Canadian province will shut its 24-hour suicide
hotline and replace it with one that operates only during
business hours.
Prince Edward Island, a small province on Canada's East
Coast, says it is too expensive to operate the hotline
around the clock. Starting June 1, it will be open only
between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m., Monday through Friday.
The plan drew protest from mental health groups across
the country. "How many times, when you get upset
or worried or concerned about things, is it in the middle
of the day? It's usually at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning
when you wake up," said Joan Wright, executive director
of the Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention based
in Edmonton, Alberta.
The hotline received about 1,400 calls a year and about
50 were from people contemplating suicide, health groups
said. "One of the things I was hearing is the government
felt there weren't enough suicide-related calls,"
Wright said.
Prince Edward Island, Canada's smallest province with
a population of about 137,000 people, is trying to tame
its budget deficit. The hotline cost about C$30,000 ($24,000)
a year to run. "It's a very small amount of money
in our view," said Reid Burke, executive director
of the Canadian Mental Health Association. "(Given)
the economic cost of a suicide, if governments pay attention
to dollars and numbers, not what happens to people, it
just doesn't make sense."
["If you plan to shoot
yourself, press 1. If you plan on leaving the garage door
closed and running the car, press 2. To leave a message,
simply wait for the tone. Your call will be answered by
the next available operator..."]
Thanks
to Joe, Compton, CA
A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white
wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder
into the bartender's face. Before the bartender could
recover from the surprise, the man began weeping.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm really sorry.
I keep doing that to bartenders. I can't tell you how
embarrassing it is, to have a compulsion like this."
Far from being angry, the bartender was sympathetic.
Before long, he was suggesting that the man see an analyst
about his problem. "I happen to have the name of
a Psychoanalyst," the bartender said. "My Brother
and my Wife have both been treated by him, and they say
he's as good as they get."
The man wrote down the name of the Doctor, thanked the
bartender, and left. The bartender smiled, knowing he'd
done a good deed for a fellow human being.
Six months later, the man was back. "Did you do
what I suggested?" the bartender asked, serving the
glass of white wine.
"I certainly did," the man said. "I've
been seeing the Psychoanalyst twice a week." He took
a sip of the wine. Then he threw the remainder into the
bartender's face.
The flustered bartender wiped his face with a towel.
"The Doctor doesn't seem to be doing you any good."
He sputtered.
"On the contrary," the man claimed, "he's
done me world of good."
"But you threw the wine in my face again!"
The bartender exclaimed.
"Yes." The man replied. "But it doesn't
embarrass me any more!"
We have been
looking for you! Wanna share a joke or a link or a recipe?
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Then come on over to Graphic-Sites-N-More. This is a
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the Fun!
We have teamed up with Prank
Place and GagsPlus
to bring you the web's largest collection of outrageous pranks,
practical jokes, gag gifts and funny novelties. Although they
have several items in common, each also carries its own unique
products. So, be sure to check out both! Today's featured
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Lead,
FOLLY or get out of the way with
Folly Fru-Fru!
Clothing, hats, mugs, mousepads, posters and more... some even
have the soon-to-be-famous pic of Fogie himself. Now you can
wish everyone a LARGE
day!!! Today's featured item...
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In case you missed Fogie while he was on tour or failed to
get a shirt when you saw him live, now's your chance to get
his official tour memorabilia. Choose from the tour logo image
or the tour cities image (from Assawoman, VA to Weiner, AR)
or select an item that has both!
Click here
to get yours or check out our other Fru-Fru today!
Thanks
to Paula, Cincinnati, OH
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination
to become the next Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless
followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department.
"Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I promise
I'll use them every day."
"I don't know, Michael. It's really a big commitment
on your part," the father pointed out.
"Please, Dad?"
"They're not cheap either."
"I'll use them Dad, I promise. You'll see."
Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and
headed for the door.
From the corner of the store he heard his son yell, "What!
You mean I have to carry them to the car?!"
Lock &
Load Link
Yankee or
Dixie?
Check on your dialect and see if you might have crossed
over to the "other side"!
Give the ice cream man a medal!! Then bring back corporal punishment
to the schools. I've witnessed too many of these sassy little
brats, and it's getting old. -The Road King [Just do what I do... If you have
a buddy with a kid who is pretty good size, ask the kid if he
wants to make a fast $20 bucks and rent him to beat the crap
outta any kid who is too young for you to kick his ass! Works
wonders!]
I have a very wonderful, well mannered, and respectful son.
He was raised to be that way, the same way that I and my 3 brothers
and sisters were. If more parents raised their kids with love
and respect, there wouldn't be any little smart ass punks. -Jen [It takes a village...]
How to deal with 13 yo monsters: Call the police. Call the
police, call the police. Keep track of all incident reports.
When the little maggot physically attacks you have him arrested.
When he shoots paintballs at your horses, threatens you and
your family, breaks into and steals property, throws rocks through
car windows, then just wait outside his house at 3:45 am when
he typically comes home from vandalizing the neighborhood and
shoot him dead. Use a revolver so there are no cartridge casings
left laying around. Destroy the rifling on the gun and dispose
of it after wiping it clean. Dispose of your shoes and clothing
and wash all the powder residue off your body. There'll be so
many suspects they will question everyone in the area. Don't
crack under questioning. In other words it ain't worth the risk
and just pray someone else does it for you. -Jim, Las Vegas,
NV [Been watching too much CSI, Skippy?]
Oregon's Political Whores in Denial! Obviously, the Oregon
legislature has deliberately mislaid this legislation! Each
Oregon legislator should reflect upon his/her murky past, and
then rethink about preventing ex-prostitutes (who have paid
for their "sins") from earning a living in the teaching
profession. Or are they afraid that it just might be revealed
that they patronized these very same prostitutes. -Infinite
Geezer, CA ["Daddy daddy! 'Aunt' Lola
is my school teacher this year! Does this mean mommy can meet
her now?"]
It's A Good Law! I don't want any felon teaching my kids. I
don't care how repentant that may be, or how born again they
may be, or how they've turned a new leaf. NO CONVICTS IN THE
CLASSROOM. ~Rhonda [First of all, prostitution is
a misdemeanor, not a felony. Do we prohibit people who littered?
I don't suppose they ask male teachers if they have had sex
with a prostitute and disqualify them. I guess to protect our
kids, we'll have to restrict teachers to being celibate. That's
worked so well for the Catholic Church. Secondly, barring these
ladies from a chance at legitimate employment could very easily
contribute to them going back to drugs and crime. What's worse
-- an ex-hooker trying to make a legitimate living, or them
being forced to go back to the activities that got them locked
up in the first place? And lastly, as adamant and frustrated
as you sound, I'm bettin' your hubby "works late"
a lot, eh?]
Maybe we ought to raise the bar and insist teachers be people
of impeccable integrity. I hope a new era presents itself where
teachers, policemen, politicians, all public servants, have
to be people of impeccable integrity. It's fair to make exemplary
behavior a condition for such employments. I don't want it such
that any slob or slut who gets a degree somewhere down the road
gets to file a lawsuit if they don't get hired. If you have
a questionable background stay in private industry. That's fair
enough. ~Kevin, SC [You should really get to know
the next lawyer you hire, really.]
I know somebody's going to think that those who have been there
can empathize better with troubled youth, but that's not all
that valuable. Tell a troubled kid, "I used to be sorry
like you" and he'll think, "Well, see? I can go ahead
and raise hell and straighten out on down the road, just like
you". ~Al [Here, here! I recall this real
slut who sat next to me in English 101... she'd do anything,
anytime, any where... and she was an elementary ed major...
she didn't take money (that I knew of) but she can STILL teach
in Oregon... That's why Oregon is just a nice place to visit.]
Prostitution is, more or less, a job. Services are exchanged
for goods, i.e. cash, just like, say... being a state representative.
Murder, rape, pedophilia and the like are NOT jobs!! They are
hobbies, for goodness sakes! If you can legally do something
for free, how the hell does it become a crime if you pay for
it???? ~Charlie [Sex for $, NO. Sex for self-esteem
or pure pleasure, okie-dorie.]
General
comments...
You sick twisted wrong little man....Opal [Yeah, if only I weren't so damned
popular that would be a bad thing.]
Looks like G. Dub's treatment of regulars and reservists has
come back to bite the military in the butt! Lackluster recruiting
figures have also hit the Marine Corps which has missed its
fourth straight monthly recruiting goal. ~Gunny Sgt. J. Merrell [New leatherneck motto: "We're
Looking For ONE good man."]
Fogie, get a load of this... 510 housing units starting at
$250,000 were sold out even before construction began at Paradise
Lakes nudist resort! LOL. - [And those were the stripped-down
models.]
Fogie, you are such an ass. -Patricia has spoken [I love it when you talk dirty.]
Did you know that the NCAA is pondering a ban on Indian nicknames
citing them as demeaning and racist? Names under review include
Braves, Redmen, Savages, Chiefs and Warriors. What's your opinion?
~ [Replacements being considered
include Steroiders, Point Shavers, Showboaters and Skollars.]
Hi: You often say that we've been listening to crap and lies
for so long that we wouldn't know anything about honesty. Well,
here's what I have to say to that. My parents got separated
in March, and here's what I know. This whole damn world is lies!
The whole damn thing! WEDDING VOWS AND THOUGHTS OF FREAKIN'
HAPPILY EVERAFTER: A DAMN LIE! LOVE: A DAMN LIE! MARRIAGE: A
DAMN LIE! The only other thing that isn't a lie is the fact
that I dream about causing my mom as much pain as she's causing
my baby sister!! -Lisa Michelle [Well, sounds like you're well
adjusted.]
Trivial
Tidbit
People who have never married are 7.5 times more likely
to be hospitalized in a state or community psychiatric facility
than those who married.
Word Whimsy
Seizure
An epileptic Roman Emperor
Maniacal
Media
This man has the skills to pick up any woman in sight.
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