I read that two porn producers in California have been fined
by OSHA. This is the first time the agency has taken regulatory
action against the porn industry, and I'm trying to visualize
just how that might have gone.
Personally, when I think of OSHA inspectors, I visualize a
humorless guy in jeans, work boots and a hard hat. So, I can
only imagine the sort of occupational hazards he's looking for
on a porn set. Was he checking to see if the tags were still
on the mattresses? Actors should have steel thongs in certain
work areas, perhaps? Maybe that 70's wah-wah music wasn't up
to code. Or the plot... er, never mind.
And I just picture the reaction when he whips out his measuring
tape. Can you see this guy stomping around the set and making
notes on a clip board?
"Dis set does not have da proper sprinkler coverage...
an dis penis, here, is not OSHA compliant."
Hmm... I wonder if the inspectors ever take their work home
with them?
Have a LARGE
day, Folliers!
Oh, Yeah, Right There, Babyly,
me
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Joke
of the day
aims to brighten up your working day with cleanish jokes.
delivered direct to your inbox.
There were three Alabamians: one crane operator, one
pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the
end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the
pole up on end. The climber climbed to the top and dropped
a tape measure which the guide promptly read and noted
the measurement. The crane operator then lowered the pole
to the ground and repositioned to pick up another pole.
This went on several times when the foreman came over
and asked why they couldn't measure the poles while they
were laying on the ground? The men replied, "We need
to know how tall the poles are, not how long."
Random
Thought
When I got up this morning I took two Ex-Lax in addition
to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel really
good about it.
Notable
Quotables
"Bush uses all those Texas expressions. He said 'He'd
leave when the kettle starts whistling at the frying pan.'
What does that mean?" ~Jay Leno
"A 72-year-old great-grandma that works in the CIA
is heading to Iraq. When asked about going to Iraq, the
grandma said, "It's been a long time since I've been
to Mesopotamia." ~Conan
O'Brien
"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes
several days attack me at once." ~Jennifer
Unlimited
Notorious
News
Desperate
Teens Sell Themselves on EBay
ST.
JOSEPH, Mo. - Looking for a little extra spending money,
two college-bound teenagers decided to sell a week of
their time to the highest bidder on the Internet auction
site eBay.
The teens hoped for fortune and adventure, but got neither.
When the auction closed Monday, the teens learned the
winning bidder — a St. Joseph resident — had
offered a mere $246.50 for their services. "I'm kind
of disappointed, but it's money," said Chris Pullen,
19, of St. Joseph. "I think it was exciting while
it lasted. But it's still money, nothing to be disheartened
about."
Pullen said fellow Central High School graduate Chip
Davis suggested the idea. "I was like, 'Dude, that's
tight,'" Pullen recalled of his reaction.
Under the heading "Buy us for one week to do those
tedious tasks you hate!" the teens posted their pictures
on eBay with a minimum bid of $1. Bidding began on July
29.
While the auction was under way, friends asked the teenagers
if they worried about who would win their services. "I
didn't care who won," Davis said, "as long as
we didn't have to clean someone's sewers or something.
That wouldn't be too exciting for a whole week."
But the teens' enthusiasm waned as days passed with no
new bids. "It wasn't too terribly exciting since
the winning bid was made four or five days ago,"
Davis said. "It was anticlimactic at the end."
Davis has e-mailed the teens' future boss, but the details
of the work arrangement haven't been reached. Because
the teens are headed off to the University of Missouri
this weekend, the work week might be split up into seven
one-day sessions.
"I don't think I'll do it again," Davis said
of the experience. [I'm bettin' they'll be
wearing tutus and dancing with feather dusters sticking
out of their butts for some manboy love freak.]
Thanks
to Andrea, Dublin, Ireland
A man walks out into the street and manages to get
a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie
says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Jim."
"Who?"
"Jim Bronson. There's a guy who did everything right.
Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have
happened like that to Jim every single time."
"There are always a few clouds over everybody."
"Not Jim. He was a terrific athlete. He could have
gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the
pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a
Broadway star."
"He was something, huh?"
"He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's
birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with.
He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and
the whole neighborhood blacks out."
"No wonder you remember him."
"Well, I never actually met Jim."
"Then how do you know so much about him?"
"I married his widow"
Pull
Fogie's Finger!
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Thanks
to Aaron, Olympia, WA
A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise
for himself and his girlfriend. A couple of days before
the cruise, the travel agent phones and says the cruise
has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day
cruise instead. The guy agrees and goes to the pharmacist
to buy three Dramamine and three condoms.
Next day, the agent calls back and says he now can book
a five-day cruise. The guy says he'll take it and returns
to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two
more condoms.
The following day, the travel agent calls again and says
he can now book an eight-day cruise. The guy agrees and
goes back to the pharmacist and asks for three more Dramamine
and three more condoms.
Finally, the pharmacist asks, "Look, if it makes
you sick, why do you keep doing it?"
Lock &
Load Link
2005 International
Snow Sculpture Championships
Enjoy
photographs of the International Snow Sculpture Championships,
held in Breckenridge Colorado.
"Is that a zip-gun carefully carved out of a
piece of discarded metal found on the floor of the prison
license-plate manufacturing shop in your pocket, or
are you just glad to see me?"
"You know, normally I don't give in the first
30 seconds, but I guess I'm a sucker for sheer muscle
mass."
"Nice teeth. They'd look so much better on my
the floor of my cell."
"Who wants to marry a multiple murderer?"
"I've been watching you from across the yard
for awhile now, and I knew if I didn't work up the courage
to just walk over here and ask you to be my bitch, I
might regret it for the rest of my life."
"Did you order the Soap Drop soup?"
"That orange jumpsuit really brings out the red
in your freshly-healed knife wound."
"Care to give Prisoner Johnson a weekend furlough?"
"You look even better in person than you did
on America's Most Wanted."
"If looks could kill, you'd get 25 to life."
"Is your name 'Escape Tunnel'? Because I've been
digging you all night."
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Folly Fallout
To send an email to Fogie and try to
attain your very own 15kb of fame in the Fallout, click here.
Fogie, you're generally a little crass and I usually find it
amusing. But your reply to Martha went too far. I raised two
sons alone as a single father. Both are doing well in college
so I take the single parent shots a little personally. -Jeffrey [You reproduced? You know it's
illegal to take sexual advantage of a retarded woman.]
How can you think Karl or G. Dub did anything wrong? G has
vowed to fire anyone who committed a crime in the CIA leak!
LOL!!! -Stuart, Fort Smith, AR [Of course, he defines a crime
as "any act or omission detrimental to big business, raping
the environment, right wing and/or redneck christianity, or
militaristic imperialism as determined by unanimous vote of
Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity and Ann Coulter."]
wow. i am glad that i finally got to read an answer to a reader
email that might do some good, as opposed to just annoying people.
thank you. -Kendra [Stick with it, my little piglet,
you just might learn something yet. It's doubtful, but I'm a
helluva teacher so I have hope for you.]
Fogie, did you know that King George III had episodes of madness
caused by taking arsenic? He even talked to imaginary people
and a tree he thought was Frederick II, King of Prussia!!! -Morris,
L.A., CA [Makes G. Dubbya thinking Karl
Rove is Napoleon look pretty tame by comparison, doesn't it?]
Dear Butt plug, your latest stuff reeks (like your breath).
Did you run out of ideas? I know, how about a prepubescent punk
writing stupid family or office stories. I could write better
while taking a crap and wiping my Fogie. -Jay [Hey, that's almost clever. Be
careful! If you continue to mimic creative thinking people are
going to mistake you for human and stop throwing you bananas.]
I remember long ago your tirades about the fast food industry...
maybe they listened to you as the McDonalds in the food court
of one of our malls in Cleveland is now serving veggie burgers
and carrot sticks along with their regular menu. -Melanie [And patients recovering from
open heart bypass surgery may order beverages delivered in the
new "Mc IV".]
Your crap is getting boring. If you need an idea couldn't you
just send out "guess what that idiot Knox did this time?"
-Dave [And what makes you think that
would be a good column? Writing about fantasizing while looking
at pics of your mother in the bathroom at the office is not
great material.]
HP isn't the only one cutting jobs Kodak is slashing 25,000
from its payroll! -Terri, Tempe, AZ [Latest Kodak Moment: A loyal
30-year employee being handed a pink slip.]
sorry, the spark is gone. I've just unsubscribed. When you
get the old Fogie back let me know, his crap was worth reading
at least. -Susan [And what makes you think you're
worth it?]
Can you believe that the Brits gunned down the wrong guy as
a suspected terrorist?!? At least it isn't just American intelligence
that's embarrassing. -Austin, Las cruces, NM [According to a statement from
number ten Downing Street, intelligence indicated that the victim
was concealing weapons of mass destruction and there just wasn't
enough time to seek UN sanctions.]
Sometimes I wish you were here so I could beat the crap out
of you for some of the things you say and others times I wish
you were here so I could show you how happy some of your answers
make me. {wink} Your answer to that moron Walter was one of
those times you would have been made a VERY happy man by me!!!
He was an ass from the word go. A loyal reader forever, -Katie [Loyal forever, huh? Just like
herpes.]
Fogie: I see where you Dems are following us Republicans (as
usual). Now you're going to try a strategy that worked for us
and go after collegiate voters emulating our Young People for
Fellowship program. You guys will always be behind! -Tucker [Ours has a few modifications.
Unlike your YAF, the we will rely on the BPG... beer, pizza
and girls.]
Check it out, lately it's like your stuff is being written
by a retard, but not the usual retard we're accustomed to reading.
"Fogie the retard", hmmm, has a ring to it! -Ken [So does your skull when I hit
it with a mallet.]
hey man - you are right on the money. if you ever need a right
hand man call me. -Robert [Keep your right hand to yourself.]
Have you noticed that the Bush administration has changed its
battle cry from "global war on terror" to "global
struggle against violent extremism"? What a crock of shit!!!
-Bob, Forsyth, MT [At last, a rallying cry the average
vocabulary-challenged, impressionable high school grad can rally
behind.]
Fogie Where did this (It takes a village to raise a child come
from)? It takes either a belt or a switch to raise a child .
The only time out I got as a child was standing there waiting
till the switch was cut to blister my butt and legs with. -Spanky [Hence the name, I guess.]
FOGIE! You gotta give us the code to the porn on Grand Theft
Auto! PLEEEEAAASSSEEE!!! -Glenn [The code to access the x-rated
version was classified until Karl Rove whispered it to Bob Novak,
who whispered it to me. And I promised not to tell.]
Trivial
Tidbit
A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce
up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to
the top.
Word Whimsy
Telecrastination
The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice
before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches
away.
Maniacal
Media
Smoking
Kills
This carpet layer makes a big time mistake! It just goes
to show you that smoking does kill.
Just click here
to go to the FREEMember's Area
for this and more hilarious audio clips, videos and other
stuff!
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