Our darling princess is in the first grade this year. The other
day she brought home a form regarding school photographs.
According to the order form, if we wanted a school photograph
of our li'l muffin, there was just one simple rule we had to
adhere to:
"Your child must be present at the time the picture is
taken."
Tele-photogenicly,
me
We have been looking
for you! Wanna share a joke or a link or a recipe? Maybe u
have some poetry or music u would like to share? Then come
on over to Graphic-Sites-N-More. This is a Kid-Friendly Group.
No Adult themes. We have something for every member of your
family. Come on over and Join the Fun!
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father.
He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running
his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump, and chest.
After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Dad, why are
you doing that?"
His father replied, "Because when I'm buying horses,
I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good
shape before I buy.
Johnny, looking worried, said, "Dad, I think the
UPS guy wants to buy Mom."
IBGN-ENCHANTED
ROMANCE Are you a hopeless romantic??? Come join us! We will
be sharing all things about love & romance!! ... poetry,
stories, humor, tags, stats, comps, music, ......anything
to do with romance! Partial nudity is acceptable, in good
taste as art, and therefore, you must be over 18 and have
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will be approved by the moderators due to any AC content!!
We think deep down we are all "hopeless romantics"!!! http://groups.yahoo.com/group/IBGN-EnchantedRomance/
Random
Thought
Why does women's underwear always have lace and flowers
all over it? You never see men's underwear with a big wrench
in the middle of it.
Notable
Quotables
"Gas prices continue to rise. At the gas station
near my house they have a slot for your credit card and
one right next to it for your 401K." ~Jay
Leno
"Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions
and great wizards of emerald cities, I find it hard to
believe there is no paperwork involved when your house
lands on a witch." ~Dave
James
"President Bush spoke with the Amish. He didn't
want to, but it was the only group he could find that
wasn't upset about the high price of gas." ~Jay
Leno
Notorious
News
Mom Makes
Teen Stand on Street With Sign
EDMOND,
Okla. - Tasha Henderson got tired of her 14-year-old daughter's
poor grades, her chronic lateness to class and her talking
back to her teachers, so she decided to teach the girl
a lesson. She made Coretha stand at a busy Oklahoma City
intersection Nov. 4 with a cardboard sign that read: "I
don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents
are preparing me for my future. Will work for food."
"This may not work. I'm not a professional,"
said Henderson, a 34-year-old mother of three. "But
I felt I owed it to my child to at least try." In
fact, Henderson has seen a turnaround in her daughter's
behavior in the past week and a half. But the punishment
prompted letters and calls to talk radio from people either
praising the woman or blasting her for publicly humiliating
her daughter.
"The parents of that girl need more education than
she does if they can't see that the worst scenario in
this case is to kill their daughter psychologically,"
Suzanne Ball said in a letter to The Oklahoman. Marvin
Lyle, 52, said in an interview: "I don't see anything
wrong with it. I see the other extreme where parents don't
care what the kids do, and at least she wants to help
her kid."
Coretha has been getting C's and D's as a freshman at
Edmond Memorial High in this well-to-do Oklahoma City
suburb. Edmond Memorial is considered one of the top high
schools in the state in academics.
While Henderson stood next to her daughter at the intersection,
a passing motorist called police with a report of psychological
abuse, and an Oklahoma City police officer took a report.
Mother and daughter were asked to leave after about an
hour, and no citation was issued. But the report was forwarded
to the state Department of Human Services. "There
wasn't any criminal act involved that the officer could
see that would require any criminal investigation,"
Master Sgt. Charles Phillips said. "DHS may follow
up."
DHS spokesman Doug Doe would not comment on whether an
investigation was opened, but suggested such a case would
probably not be a high priority.
Tasha Henderson said her daughter's attendance has been
perfect and her behavior has been better since the incident.
Coretha, a soft-spoken girl, acknowledged the punishment
was humiliating but said it got her attention. "I
won't talk back," she said quietly, hanging her head.
She already has been forced by her parents to give up
basketball and track because of slipping grades, and said
she hopes to improve in school so she can play next year.
Donald Wertlieb, a professor of child development at
the Eliot-Pearson Department of Child Development at Tufts
University, warned that such punishment could do extreme
emotional damage. He said rewarding positive behavior
is more effective. "The trick is to catch them being
good," he said. "It sounds like this mother
has not had a chance to catch her child being good or
is so upset over seeing her be bad, that's where the focus
is."
Thanks
to Big Dave, Hell
A lawyer's dog, running around town unleashed, heads
for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes
to the lawyer's office and asks, "if a dog running
unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have
a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's
owner?" The lawyer answers, "Absolutely."
"Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole
a roast from me today."
The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check
for $8.50. The butcher, having a feeling of satisfaction,
leaves.
Three days later, the butcher finds a bill from the lawyer:
$100 due for a consultation.
Pull
Fogie's Finger!
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Thanks
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President Bush, Dan Quayle, Ross Perot, and Bill Clinton
all traveled together to see the Wizard of Oz. Upon arrival,
they were brought to see him.
First, President Bush went to see the Wizard and said,
"Everyone says I have no compassion or feelings,
I wish to have a Heart". So the Wizard said, "So
be it".
Second was Dan Quayle. He told the Wizard, "People
think I'm unintelligent and have no common sense whatsoever.
I want a brain. The Wizard said, "So be it".
Third to ask the Wizard was Ross Perot. "People
say I have no confidence, and I lack conviction. I wish
to have some courage". The Wizard granted this wish
as well.
And then Bill Clinton approached the Wizard. The Wizard
looked at him and said, "Well, what do you want?"
To which Clinton replied, "I'm here for Dorothy!"
Lock &
Load Links
Date To Save
Dating to save people from hell. Be sure to check out
the dating "tips".
Dogs are never permitted in the house. The dog stays
outside in a specially built wooden compartment named,
for very good reason, the dog house.
Okay, the dog can enter the house, but only for short
visits or if his own house is under renovation.
Okay, the dog can stay in the house on a permanent
basis, provided his dog house can be sold in a yard
sale to a rookie dog owner.
Inside the house, the dog is not allowed to run free
and is confined to a comfortable but secure metal cage.
Okay, the cage becomes part of a two-for-one deal
along with the dog house in the yard sale, and the dog
can go wherever he pleases.
The dog is never allowed on the furniture.
Okay, the dog can get on the old furniture but not
the new furniture.
Okay, the dog can get up on the new furniture until
it looks like the old furniture and then we'll sell
the whole works and buy new furniture... upon which
the dog will most definitely not be allowed.
The dog never sleeps on the bed. Period.
Okay, the dog can sleep at the foot of the bed.
Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you, but he's not
allowed under the covers.
Okay, the dog can sleep under the covers but not with
his head on the pillow.
Okay, the dog can sleep alongside you under the covers
with his head on the pillow, but if he snores he's got
to leave the room.
Okay, the dog can sleep and snore and have nightmares
in bed, but he's not to come in and sleep on the couch
in the TV room, where I'm now sleeping. That's just
not fair.
The dog never gets listed on the census questionnaire
as "primary resident," even if it's true.
Folly Fallout
To send an email to Fogie and try to
attain your very own 15kb of fame in the Fallout, click here.
Regarding
"Fogie's Folly - Hurricane Help"...
Well it's about damn time you got out of your filthy sewer
and decided to actually write a decent column about something
that America needs to address. Keep up the good work this time!
-Ben [Actually, I couldn't give a rat's
butt about your opinion, as long as you just click on the ads...
in which case you're a genius.]
I have a good Christian friend that told me, "Katrina's
wrath was God's way of punishing New Orleans because they celebrate
Mardi Gras." What a crock! -Alice [Actually she may be right...
just like Hurricane Rita hitting Texas in retribution for all
the embezzling and corruption caused by Halliburton and the
G. Dubbya bureaucracy.]
Fogie: I have to agree with you, this administration sucks!
It makes you wonder if they have sold out to several different
companies and governments. What a bunch of jerks! -James [Thanks for parroting my opinion
back to me, witless.]
This is absolutely the least funny article you have ever written.
Some people here in have lost some of their loved ones and you
post jokes and pictures of something that took lives of the
innocent. Just lost a long time fan. -Toni [Sorry for your loss... of your
sense of humor.]
An entire rant about how crappy FEMA is and people taking advantage
of others, and you've whored yourself out with ads. You hypocritical
ass. -Love, Laura [Guess it's better than whoring
myself out for crack like some subscribers named Laura who shall
remain nameless, Laura.]
You lost readers with your tirades about Bush. You lost readers
with your rants about Christians. You lost readers with your
comments about gays, Canadians, Europeans, southerners and every
other group on the planet. How many will you lose with this
thoughtless column? Or do you not care? Grow up. -Bèr
Kessels [Our polling, scientific data
and computer models show that we will lose sixteen readers.
And of course I care... that's why I attack ALL groups so I
can tap that common enemy factor from everyone.]
Regarding
"FEMA E-mails Provide Window
on Ex-Director's Response"...
HECK OF A JOB, BROWNIE! Is this incompetent clown still on
the federal payroll? Is there any good reason why he should
not be charged with criminal dereliction of duty? -Susanna
[And...]
I cant believe this is a man whom thought more of his dog and
clothes than he did of human life. I hope the Justice system
will not fail in making him feel the sorrow of losing your family
to a ridiculous comment. I feel he should be held accountable
for the problem of not helping those people. And he should be
charged with involuntary manslaughter for the deaths. -Viper,
Fontana, CA [I'm certain the White House will
look into that... if they ever figure out that something didn't
go quite right.]
How do people like this get into office? How does an incompetent
like this get into a high level office AND get paid handsomely
for it? I'd like to sign up for that job. I've been called an
idiot at times so I must qualify. Was there nepotism involved?
Had no one researched this man's background. Someone like this
must have left a trail pointing to his lack of character, enough
to disqualify him from the job. Come to think of it though,
how does any idiot get into a position of authority? -Pops [They are elected. Unless that
doesn't work, in which case the state of Florida and the Supreme
Court anoint them.]
Do you still need a dog sitter, Mr. Brown? Or do you have a
lot of free time on your hands. I hope not too much, you might
think of the dead and mis-located from your lack of response.
I hope you can live with yourself. Your only friend that won't
judge you is your dog. Remember payback is hell, so get bent!
-Lisa [Actually, his dog isn't all that
fond of him either. And I forwarded your email on to the Secret
Service... they'd like to have a word with you.]
Makes you wonder how many other idiots George has skipping
around DC that haven't been caught 'yet' with acts of stupidity.
-Bob,Pinehurst, NC [I would use a NASA computer to
figure all of that out if only their budget hadn't been cut
to the point of using an abacus these days.]
The Bush Jr legacy will be corruption! How can someone who
claims to be a Christian conservative run such a corrupt administration?
How could we have been so wrong about GW; how were we fooled
so completely? -Hank [Uhm, you're throwing that "we"
around pretty loosely there, buttwipe.]
General
comments...
Be more positive! -Jan [Ok... I'm POSITIVE you suck.]
Your lame comments about most California women having fake
breasts and that the state is completely homosexual is extremely
tired humor. Why not a joke about how we all hang out in hot
tubs and wear gold medallions. -Barry, Bakersfield, CA [What joke?]
WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T RULE HALF THE WORLD? THAT'S IT I
WANT MY PANTIES BACK! -Lisa [Then next time use a SASE.]
Fogie, have you ever seen so many members of Congress start
so early exploring potential presidential campaigns? -Holly [No mystery here. Never before
could they look at a sitting chief executive and realize that
the American people will vote for anyone if they're lied to
consistently and skillfully.]
It's scary to think this, but the nation is starting to agree
with you. According to a recent poll, a majority of Americans
don't believe the US will win the war in Iraq. -Dustin [Consequently, G. Dubya's "Mission
Accomplished" banner will be put on display at Akron's
Museum of Utter Folly beside a replica of Julia Roberts' and
Lyle Lovett's marriage license.]
Is nothing sacred? TV Guide ditched their 52-year old digest
format in favor of a full-size slick! What's next? -Haley [Everything about the magazine
will be larger. Well... almost everything. In deference to their
young, pop culture-obsessed female target audience, most of
the words and sentences will be shorter.]
What the hell was that last column? I'm all for pointing out
the problems of the world and the ineptitude of government,
but to make it the bases of a whole column? Your columns get
weaker every time. The comments are still funnier then not.
It's the only reason why I imagine the readers stay subscribed.
-Andre [Oh, you've got it pegged, Andrea,
the comment you wrote is a laugh riot. In fact, I haven't stopped
laughing yet. You should send this in to Reader's Digest.]
I likes to play & watch basketball. Likes to listen to
r&b and of course rap music. Good rap music. Likes to just
stay in the crib and watch movies & also go to the movies.
Goes out to clubs everynow then. Just move here to Mo, from
minnesota. hopes to find some ladies. -Big Rob [I tried to read your email but
I left my ebonics translator in my other pants.]
Trivial
Tidbit
The average bank teller loses about $250 every year.
Word Whimsy
Yotate
To allow a yo-yo to unwind itself.
Maniacal
Media
Dog
Leg
Nothing comes between this dog and his bone... not even
himself.
Just click here
to go to the FREEMember's Area
for this and more hilarious audio clips, videos and other
stuff!
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EDMOND,
Okla. - Tasha Henderson got tired of her 14-year-old daughter's
poor grades, her chronic lateness to class and her talking
back to her teachers, so she decided to teach the girl
a lesson. She made Coretha stand at a busy Oklahoma City
intersection Nov. 4 with a cardboard sign that read: "I
don't do my homework and I act up in school, so my parents
are preparing me for my future. Will work for food."
