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Regarding
Fogie's Folly - G.Dubbya & Gay Marriage...
Cutting Edge, Fogie! I like ALL of your responses, man. Let
me just add this: For all those who declaim that gay marriage
will ruin the "Institution", I only have this question:
What the heck can gays do to the Institution that we heteros
haven't already done???? -Dave
[Speaking of institutions, when
are you due back?]
Unlike you liberals, President Bush is trying to maintain the
sanctity of the most precious thing we have -- the family. This
isn't about love or companionship; it's about greed and depravity!
-Diane, Newberry, SC
[You lack even the dim flicker
of sentience needed to qualify as a imbecile.]
All we in the gay community want is fundamental fairness and
the same rights and privileges that straight couples have, namely
the accumulation of a lifetime of wealth and memories with the
one you love and the security and preservation of those after
one of you has passed. -Greg
[Touching... Is there anything
else we need to know about you other than you're a grungy social
outcast?]
Fogie: Sit down with me for 30 minutes and I will show you
how wrong you are about gay rights -- morally, politically AND
financially! -Renzo, Montezuma, NM
[I'm trying to imagine you with
a personality. Maybe you'd be less boring once I got to know
you, but I don't want to take that chance.]
HOMOS ARE WRONG! -Ashley, Bedford, TX
[Thanks for your contribution,
but if I had wanted to hear from somebody with your IQ, I'd
be at my local grocer talking to the vegetables.]
Regarding
Fogie's Folly - Hurricane Katrina...
You might have lost two subscribers but gained one... Hah,
while recovering from a laughstroke just there, I am trying
to type this. Hey you grumpy people: a smile is always the best
remedy for something bad! A joke makes you see the good side
of life in bad times. Those who cannot apreciate a joke should
get themselves to a shrink. Ah well, they probably already go
there anyway. -Mike
[English is your second language,
isn't it?]
It is very unfortunate that some folks lose loved ones in a
natural disaster and you treat it so flippantly. Your parody
was not funny, not timely, and not in the least bit tasteful.
Maybe you have a little growing up to do yourself. -Sue
[Why is it that the people with
the smallest minds always have the biggest mouths?]
I live(ed) in Louisiana and had to flee from the hurricane.
That said I found your column hilarious and it did somewhat
comfort me while I type this from Atlanta where I am staying.
-L3D
[Yeah, I'm kinda like a cyber
security blanket.]
Come on people, it's humor. It is not a personal offence to
those who suffered from this event, just a different way of
looking at it. You see, that's why I live in Brazil! We don't
have tornadoes here.
[I'll do an acid rain column just
for you.]
People in Louisiana and Florida are retarded. PERIOD. If you
don't want to get hit by hurricane after hurricane, don't live
where there are hurricanes EVERY YEAR. But every year, I watch
the news and those idiots are surprised that their house have
been blown away by yet another hurricane. I don't think you
should be allowed to have insurance or anything like that. The
government should not help you, nothing. We should take a lesson
from Darwin and just have survival of the fittest. -Tim, Phoenix,
AZ
[Careful what you ask for.]
Why the hell do people actually live down in there? This happens
every freakin 4 months and some hick is on TV telling us about
how he lost his business renting Seadoos or something. Get it
through your head: HURRICAINES EVERY COUPLE MONTHS=BAD. God
Bless America. -Matt
[I am reminded of something relevant
that Benjamin Disraeli said: "He was distinguished for
ignorance - for he had only one idea and that was wrong."]
I could never figure out why people live near river banks that
are prone to overflowing, or in areas that are at high risk
in the event of forest fires or other natural disasters. Hasn't
this sunken into peoples' thick skulls that just because a place
looks nice doesn't mean it's a good idea to live there? -Jason
[Exactly... take Canada, for instance.]
I think that developers should not build on the coast because
they take away the natural barriers and put lives and expensive
property at risk. -Laura, VA
[ (adjusts intelligence level)
At least you only charge what your free advice is worth.]
Regarding
"Austria Museum Lets Naked People in Free"...
Tom Cruise KNOWS about nudity! -The Shark
[I think I've studied that as
much as he has. YOU don't KNOW nudity like I do. You have not
studied nudity as I have... I have studied it and I know all
about nudity. Nudity can really be addressed with vitamins and
herbs... You don't know about it like I do so don't be glib!
Just trust me on this. You just... don't... know!]
Can you imagine a naked shopping day at Walmart? -Sam
[I can only imagine the horror
of it all.]
I Love culture...
and boobies
hips
thighs
bellies
fannies
the curve of the lower back
nape of neck
soft flowing hair
angels voice
eyes of the soul
warm lips
long legs
Did I forget anything? -Mark, Kadena AFB, Okinawa Japan
[Your cold shower?]
What is the point of this? Is it just something that clever
people have come up with because they have run out of meaningful
ideas? They can no longer paint like the masters of old, so
all that is left to do is to parody them? A gallery contains
art that is profound and sublime, and the common people go and
desecrate it by doing this. Modern man has lost the ability
to understand, to 'read' high art. There is similarity here
with the decline of Rome, where whole libraries and galleries
were burned down while the rulers held huge feasts and orgies.
How long will it be before group sex goes on the museums? The
same people who now say 'there's nothing wrong with nudity'
will way the same then. -Roland
[Damn... With your description
of burning, feasts and orgies you sorta make the downfall of
civilization sound kind of appealing.]
I'm naked RIGHT NOW! -Greg
[Casual day at the office, eh?]
Love europe, hate america... our human bodies are something
to be embraced, not shunned. -Ann
[Let the record state that we
here at the Follies strongly support the embracing of nekkid
human bodies.]
General
comments...
Dear witless. For some reason (God in heaven only knows what)
My sister wants your monkey butt like a trout straight from
the Eel River. Included is a pic. I hope you enjoy it. -Tim
[You're pimping for your sister?
What, did your mom finally retire? By the way, this can't really
be your sister... no tail.]
From: tommy
Subject: unsubscribe
I have done this 3 times and i want off the mailing list thank
you
[What do you think this is? The
land of Oz? Just because you can click your little ruby slippers
three times to wake up from your dreams doesn't mean you can
send a blank email to my email address and magically be removed
from the mailing list. Perhaps if you weren't busy dancing with
Toto, you would have noticed the big unsubscribe link at the
bottom of each mailing as well as a removal link on the members
page. Instead, you've wasted both your time and mine by writing
to me. Thankfully, I'm a nice freakin' guy and I ended up removing
you by hand... not because it would have taken your low-IQ butt
too long to figure it out, but simply because I dread the thought
of receiving another one of your brain-dead responses co-written
by the flying monkeys.]
Hi Baby, I would Love to spank your little bottom with my whip.
Love You, -Mistress Patty
[Patty? You couldn't come up with
something better than that? Like Mistress Raven, or Mistress
Angelica, or Mistress Thorn. Mistress Karen sounds like something
I would name my kitten.]
You insulted somebody for incorrectly spelling something and
using incorrect grammar. Well maybe you should learn to spell
too! while making fun of them you misspelled something too and
your grammar was just as bad. You dumbass!!! -Andy
[Andrew, Andrew, Andrew... you
slow thinking twit. It's called irony. Your attack on me is
the world's greatest proof of reincarnation; no one could get
that dumb in just one lifetime.]
Boy, does the news of US bastards getting killed in Iraq give
me a kick... only regret is that the casualty figures are only
2 or 3 daily and not 200 or 300!!! It proves what the world
knows... Americans are yellow when it comes to fighting man
to man. U filthy Americans don't have the guts to enter any
Iraqi area till your airforce has bombed the life oout of it
and despite that U wimps are getting licked. boy what a pity!
I especially love it when I read how your blood boils over when
your soldier boys are getting shafted... seems like they should
have listened to their moms and stayed at home, hiding in their
mom's aprons... hahaha -Sanjay, Iraq
[I thought for about two seconds
how I was going to respond to you, Sanjay. May I call you Sanjay?
Or would Dung For Brains be more appropriate? Why don't you
take your turban-wearing ass to New York and tell that to anyone
on the street. It doesn't even have to be a male. Go up to a
female and tell them that, and you'll see how much of a "wimp"
Americans really are. And your analysis of war is staggering;
why CNN hasn't hired you yet is beyond comprehension. First
of all, you pasty faced troll, we bombed the life out of specific
targets which were known to harbor hostile forces. I suppose
your approach would be to walk right up to them instead and
knock them unconscious with that foul, odorous stench coming
from your breath -- no doubt a bi-product of your miniscule
brain tightly wrapped in that filthy turban of yours. I can't
say that I blame you for putting your hair up in one though.
I bet you get tired of being mistaken for a typical Iraqi bearded
woman when you let your locks flow past the shoulders.]
Hey Fogie, Jeez, if only I'd have found this newsletter sooner.
I've only been subscribed for about a month but I've been laughing
my butt off. BTW, all these morons whining about the ads, SCREW
YOU! It's a free newsletter, what do they expect. Instead of
sitting on their fat, blubbery behinds and stuffing their faces
all day, they could skip an in-between-meal snack and pony up
5 bucks to support this free newsletter. Keep it up man, this
thing is great! -Jake
[Slow down, cowboy. If you get
any more excited you're going to start humping my leg.]
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