McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"

"Nothin', said the Irishman, "My wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"

"An Irish homosexual is one who prefers women to Guinness."
      ~Sean O'Faolain

"In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I'm sorry, did I say 'scientists'? I meant 'Irish people'."
      ~Tina Fey

"Put an Irishman on the spit, and you can always get another Irishman to turn him."
      ~George Bernard Shaw

NY St. Pat's Chairman Compares Gays to Neo-Nazis

NEW YORK - The man in charge of Manhattan's St. Patrick's Day parade has fueled a controversy by saying allowing a gay group to join Friday's march would be like permitting neo-Nazis to participate in an Israeli parade.

In an interview with The Irish Times, parade committee chairman John Dunleavy defended the organizers' decision to bar the Irish Lesbian and Gay Organization from participating in the biggest St. Patrick's Day party in the world. "If an Israeli group wants to march in New York, do you allow neo-Nazis into their parade? If African-Americans are marching in Harlem, do they have to let the Ku Klux Klan into their parade?" Dunleavy was quoted as saying. "People have rights. If we let the ILGO in, is it the Irish Prostitute Association next?" he said.

The Roman Catholic organizers of the New York event have long refused to let gays and lesbians march as a group because the church believes homosexuality is wrong. In 1995 the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that organizers of a St. Patrick's Day parade in Boston had the constitutional free-speech right to exclude gays and lesbians.

The gay rights campaigners' cause has been taken up this year by newly elected City Council Speaker Christine Quinn, the first openly gay woman to lead the council and an Irish American. She boycotted the Manhattan march after failing to persuade organizers to lift their veto. Quoted in The Daily News, she condemned Dunleavy's comments, saying: "They are so outrageous, I don't even think they dignify a response."

As marching bands led by shivering cheerleaders, ranks of uniformed police and firefighters and revelers sporting green hats and shamrocks lined up to join the parade up 5th Avenue, several participants said the dispute was a side issue. Kiki Culleton, a court employee from the Bronx, said Dunleavy's remarks were "a bit strong" but that organizers did not allow any group to march under a separate banner. "It's all about the country of Ireland," she said, standing by the drum she plays in the New York State Courts Band. "It's an Irish Catholic Parade and our teachings, maybe not our personal beliefs, but our teachings say that's wrong."

St. Patrick's Day has become a citywide party in New York that sees bars decked out in green and hundreds of thousands of revelers from diverse backgrounds joining the fun.

Gay couple Vincent Frato, a 45-year-old photographer of Spanish and American Indian descent, and Jean-Charles David, a 31-year-old massage therapist from France, came to the parade in sweatshirts with the logo "Men in Kilts New York." "In the Irish community here, there's a lot of firefighters and police officers and traditionally it's not a very gay-friendly crowd, but that's changing," David said, sporting a red tartan kilt that he made himself.

Frato said Dunleavy's comments did not reflect the views of most New Yorkers. "It's a very liberal city and outside of the parade organizers, everyone is welcoming," he said.

[Drunken Mick white trash and pedophile Catholic priests are encouraged to attend, however.]

Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as well."

Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be dying.

• Heavy drinker, 35, Cork area. Seeks gorgeous sex addict interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes, Glasgow Celtic Football Club and has been known to start fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
   
• Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by longtime fiance, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman, if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of hatchet-faced bitches.
   
• Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy lady for bail purposes, maybe more.
   
• Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.
   
• Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes, seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM and 11:30 PM.
   
• Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old double-jointed super model, who owns her own brewery, and has an open-minded twin sister.

An Irish daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her; " Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mum through??!!"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."

"WHAT? Out of here, you shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family - I don't ever want to see you again!"

"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a savings account certificate for 5 million Euros. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you, Daddy, the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club... (takes a breath)... an invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."

Her Father says "Now what was it you said you had become?"

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff... A prostitute Dad! ... Sniff, sniff"

"Oh! Be Jesus! - You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said "a Protestant". Come here and give your old man a hug!"

Find What's Under the Kilt

This game introduces the bagpiper McNuggins and invites you to solve the age-old mystery – what’s under the bagpiper's kilt? When the conditions are right, a gust of Ye Olde Wind will provide an answer that may surprise you. "It's like potato chips," said Riley Kane, spacelab's associate creative director. "Once you start playing, you won’t be able to stop."

http://www.whatsupyourkilt.com

Good Luck Omens to Look for on St. Patrick's Day

• You find a four-leaved clover while removing belly-button lint from your navel.
   
• Green water is flowing uncontrollably from all water outlets in your home.
   
• You notice a leprechaun's bloody shoe in your dog's mouth.
   
• You hear an echoed voice saying "Manly, yes, but I like it too" while you're showering.
   
• You follow a rainbow to its end and find a pot of steamin' hot Cheez Whiz.
   
• During breakfast, you realize that Lucky Charms truly are "magically delicious."
   
• Someone has replaced the water in your fish tank with green beer, resulting in loud, drunken, unruly fish singing "Oh, Danny Boy" at the top of their gills.
   
• You find a patch of four-leaved clovers growing in your sock drawer.
   
• You receive junk mail addressed to O'Current Resident.
   
• You have cornered a wet, shivering, frightened leprechaun in your laundry room and are taunting him, saying "Do you feel lucky... punk?"

Shamrock

A papier-mache boulder.

How's Your Irish?

Learn the significance of that "snake dude" St. Patrick and what a 5-leaf clover is good for.

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Have a very LARGE day, Folliers!!!

me