 |
 |
  |
|
| Fogie's
Follies, Frolics & Funnies |
|
| Only
those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they
can go. -T.S. Eliot |
|
|
|
|
[Closed-captioned for the humor impaired.]
|
 |
 |
Greetings, Laff Lovers!!!
I called all the usual suspects as well as the folks you haven't heard much about (bean-counters and the like) together in the conference room.
"I've decided to step down from my executive duties of the company," I told them. I expected to see shock or disappointment or something on their faces, but was simply met with yawns and blank looks. "I want to get back to full-time Follying, have Knox and Ashby publish their own zines, and have Chet, Joe and Dwight concentrate on the publishing side with us. We'll continue to do work for outside clients, but I'm bringing in a new sheriff to be the manager of operations."
NOW, I had their attention...
Knox, of course, was the first to pipe up: "Lemme get this straight... you're replacing yourself and hiring someone to be your boss?!? And you're going to let me have my own publication?!?"
"No doubt you need a CAT scan, Fogie," said Ashby. "I can see why you would want to spin me off, but giving Knox his own zine and hiring someone that someone like you would have to report to? Man, that's a lotta promises I have to keep now that hell has frozen over."
"Sounds pretty whacked to me, too," chirped Chet. "I understand you miss doing the Follies, but you built this company from the ground up mainly on the motivation that you liked being your own boss. Now you're going to turn it over to someone else and answer to them?!?"
"Who could possibly lead the company with the same dedication, fortitude, charisma, determination and vision that you have shown us?" brown-nosed Joe.
"Byron Slade," I answered. The momentary silence was deafening, the laughter that followed was even louder.
"BYRON SLADE???!!!???" yelled Chet. "Seriously, who do you have in mind?"
"I am serious."
"But you hate Byron Slade," said Dwight.
"I don't hate him," I said, "I just don't like him. But he's good at what he does, I respect his past work and I knew that he was unhappy at that other web design firm who shall remain nameless but thinks they're better than us and is located two blocks from here and has a name that starts with a 'B'."
"You 'respect his past work'?" repeated Ashby. "That's why you mooned him at the Golden Webby awards?"
"Hey, in some countries that's a sign of respect... probably... maybe."
"Dude, this is the craziest thing you've ever done... and that says a lot!" said Knox. "But if I'm gettin' my own rag then count me in. So, what's the plan?"
"Slade will be here Monday and we'll spend a couple of weeks getting things set up for regular publishing and him to take the reins. I'm shooting for late January to publish multiple new and 'flashback' Follies per week. We'll launch Knox's zine around mid-February and Ashby's in March; so, you two need to be thinking about the direction you want to go."
"You can't give Knox that much latitude," said Chet. "At least not without expanding the legal department."
So, how did you manage to convince Slade to come work here?" asked Ashby.
"I promised to make him Time's 'Person of the Year'."
Have a very LARGE day, Folliers!
Resigningly,
me |
|
~ COME CLOWN AROUND WITH US ~
We've got make up ready to put a smile on your face !
-
Get laughs & giggles. prose & links, web help & loads of diversified
info & fun stuff
We guarantee you WILL NOT be assaulted with graphic nudity, porn, etc
-
CLICK HERE:
http://www.wtv-zone.com/BICS/Irish/Pages/YourInvitedToAParty.html
OR Send blank e mail:
BICs_JOKERS_WILD-SUBSCRIBE@YAHOOGROUPS.COM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
|
(@@)
00o-:-o00
NEED MORE
HUMOR IN YOUR LIFE?
Then join us for
a daily dose of jokes,
toons, funny links,
amusing news, trivia,
and other interesting
tidbits.
Just send an email
to:
|
|
An old man was 89-years-old and he wanted to marry a 24 year old girl.
His son told him, "You can't marry a 24-year-old girl."
He said, "Why not?"
The son said, "If you marry a 24-year-old girl, you'll have to make love with her and that could be fatal!"
He thought about it a moment, shrugged his shoulders and said, "Well if she dies, she dies." |
|
We
have been looking for you!
Wanna share a joke or a link or a recipe?
Maybe u have some poetry or music u would like to share?
Then come on over to Graphic-Sites-N-More.
This is a Kid-Friendly Group. No Adult themes.
We have something for every member of your family.
Come on over and Join the Fun!
Graphic-Sites-N-More-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
http://www.groups.yahoo.com/group/Graphic-Sites-N-More/join |
|
|
| 9 out of 10 men prefer women with large breasts... and the 10th guy prefers the other 9 guys. |
|
"That's a chapter... the last chapter of the 20th... 20th... the 21st century that most of us would rather forget. The last chapter of the 20th century... this is the first chapter of the 21st century."
~George W. Bush
"It's important for us to experience to our notion that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in... you know... the dark dungeons of the internet."
~George W. Bush
"L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson -- and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait."
~Bill Maher |
|
|
Mannequin Fetishist Could Get Life
FERNDALE, Mich. - A man who has a history of smashing windows to indulge his fetish for female mannequins could draw a stiff sentence for his latest arrest.
Ronald A. Dotson, 39, of Detroit faces up to life in prison if convicted of a charge of attempted breaking and entering at a cleaning-supply company in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale.
The potential life sentence is because prosecutors charged him as a habitual offender. Authorities say he has at least six convictions for breaking and entering and a stint in state prison over the last 13 years.
Story continues below ↓ advertisement
Ferndale District Judge Joseph Longo ordered Dotson to stand trial following a preliminary examination on Thursday, The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak reported. The judge ordered him jailed unless he posts a $15,000 bond.
Dotson was arrested Oct. 9 after police say he smashed a window at a cleaning-supply company to get at a female mannequin dressed in a black and white French maid's uniform. He had been out of prison for less than a week.
Dotson was arrested in Ferndale in July 2000 and later convicted for breaking and entering at a women's clothing shop to get at a mannequin in a pink dress with bobbed hair.
Ferndale police also arrested Dotson in 1993 after finding him in an alley behind a woman's store with three lingerie-clad mannequins. He also has similar convictions in Detroit and suburban Oak Park.
["Like my new outfit? I saw it in the window and just couldn't resist."] |
|
|
A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?" the others asked.
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
"A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!" |
|
"Have an old song running thru your
head?"
"Trying to find the song that you
danced to years ago?"
"Do you just LOVE all kinds of music ??"
This is the group for you.
We "specialize" in finding those hard
to find tunes for you.
We do a lot of friendly chatting as well
Try us out-theres allways an
"unsubscribe" link handy.
Click link below to join
|
|
|
Pull Fogie's Finger!
We have teamed up with Prank
Place to bring you our unique collection of outrageous pranks,
practical jokes, and gag gifts. We are proud to offer the web's
largest collection of funny novelties, gag gifts, and pranks.
From Fart Machines to Bumper Stickers, we are the web's leading
retailer of fun! Today's featured item...
 FANTASY COVER-UPS / FUNNY PULLOVERS
Look and feel like a new person! Our Funny Pullovers feature a females body dressed in a sexy little outfit, and printed in full color on both the front and back. Just pull on one of our fun fantasy cover-up t-shirts and change how you look and feel in just seconds.
Click here to get
yours or check out other fun stuff today! |
|
Lead, FOLLY or get out of the way with
Folly Fru-Fru!
Clothing, hats, mugs, mousepads, posters and more... some even
have the soon-to-be-famous pic of Fogie himself. Now you can
wish everyone a LARGE day!!! Today's featured item...
 Mean
People Suck
The classic design of Fogie's credo on everything from stickers
to t-shirts!
Click here to get yours or check out our other Fru-Fru today! |
|
Another Nice Person Lost
Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died early last week.
In attendance at the funeral were Mrs. Buttersworth, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, and his brother, Hungry Jack.
Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his career was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, the crusty old man served as a roll model for millions.
Fresh is survived by his second wife. The have two children and one in the oven.
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about twenty minutes... |
|
How popular are you?
This site shows how popular a name was in corresponding decades.
http://www.birthdayalarm.com/NamePopularity.jsp?MID=964 |
|
|
|
|
The Top 12 Signs Your Divorce Isn't Going Well
12> The judge is seriously considering your spouse's request for custody of your immortal soul.
11> Your spouse's attorney is seeking the death penalty.
10> Your husband has been granted temporary custody of one of your implants.
9> Your mother's name appears on your wife's witness list.
8> Since his recent divorce, your lawyer has been using his car for an office.
7> Your portion of the settlement so far: The Commodore 64, the Chia pets and the Wham! CD collection.
6> Jerry Springer cancelled your appearance, citing "Safety Concerns."
5> You discover that Judge Jacques' last name is actually not pronounced "Jack-ass."
4> In her search for hidden assets, your wife hires a proctologist.
3> Your half of the dog arrives postage due.
2> Johnnie Cochran's closing argument: "If dad goes gay, he's got to pay!"
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Sign Your Divorce Isn't Going Well...
1> Your spouse's lawyer has suddenly taken to lighting his cigarettes with twenties.
Thanks to The Top 5 List www.topfive.com
Copyright 2000, 2006 by Chris White |
|
 |
|
|
 |
|
To send an email to Fogie and try to
attain your very own 15kb of fame in the Fallout, click here.
Regarding
"Daddy School "...
You are getting old... not me... I remember the day we shipped your butt off to college... you were in a little blue and white mustang... 1979... I remember! -Ginger, Lynchburg, VA
[All that therapy seems to be clearing out your"experimental years" mental cobwebs pretty well.]
Mildly amusing today, but I can't believe I waited so long just for that. -Big Ernie, NM
[Is that a direct quote from your wife about your last sexual encounter?]
What insipid drivel!!! -John,
Ontario, Canada
[So, a thought crossed your mind? Must have been a long and lonely journey.]
A nice break from your usual scathing, biting and ridicule. -Dee
[Yeah... now back to them... let's start with your nekkid form...]
That was one of the best follies ever! I even had a tear or two. -Elizabeth,
Hoboken, NJ
[Thanks... You are no longer beneath my contempt.]
OMG! What a sappy schmuck you are. All this time I thought you were a better man! -Acer, Spring Valley MN
[Your girlfriend says I am.]
Sounds like you have prepared your son well and I wish him the best of luck. He is fortunate to have a loving father like you. -Nikki
[Yes he is... Now, kindly remove your nose from my hindquarters.]
DADDY SCHOOL??? That's the most messed up thing you could've EVER written! -Allen, Knoxville, TN
[I think you grossly underestimate me.]
It is nice to know that you have your caring and loving side and that not everything you spew is sarcasm and trash. -Country Gal, NC
[You have nothing to fear from my base instincts; its my finer ones that tell me to kill you.]
Regarding
"Teen's Worm Sales Squished by Conn. Town"...
You've got to be kidding! Do these people have nothing better to do than destroy this young man's budding business? At least this kid is trying to do something to earn money instead of stealing money and screwing around like most teens do in a summer. Leave the kid alone. - Kevin, Vienna, MD
[Kumbaya my Looooord... Kumbayaaaaaa....]
Fogie, thanks for the flip response you offered me. But can you imagine a trailer park with signs for all these home-based businesses? Or multiple signs? Like tattoos in the living room and massages (and whatever else) in the master bedroom. There could be more going on, with drinking in the kitchen, and pot in the small bedroom. All in the life of the residents of a typical trailer park. -Blonde Gurl
[You sound like the voice of experience.]
I live in Connecticut, and the local papers are reporting that the Worm Kid is back in business. Love the newsletter. -Steve
[Giddy-up!!! Proving that now that the Dems are back in charge small business will rule again!]
Regarding
"NCAA Mascot Decision Not Popular or Unexpected"...
I think all sport teams should have one name, something along the lines of "evil white men" (or women) that ought to put an end to the debate lol -Susan
[Good point Susan, but what sports teams are you referring to that have any white men or women?]
Using Indian names for sports teams, towns, etc. is not demeaning. Banning their use as offensive is demeaning. And I'll bet most Indians would agree with this, unless they are far-left liberals without a life and need to get on the PC bandwagon because they have nothing else or are hoping for a monetary settlement. However, I'll also bet that most of the people objecting to the use of Indian names are not even Indians. And what about the name "Indian" itself? Not only is it politically incorrect, it is geographically and culturally incorrect, all because Columbus didn't know where the hell he was at when he landed in the West Indies. When is some liberal going to start crying about that? -Rich
[Rich, we already have. That's why they're called Native Americans, as opposed to Indians, or American Indians, or Amerinds, or... well, I'm sure there's something even more unfashionable these days. But I have to wonder sometimes if this is heap-big crock of buffalo chips, because their great-something-grandpa immigrated just like mine did, just longer ago. I was born here; I'm Native American! Maybe I should demand a casino.]
Most of the Ancient Asian Immigrant groups had names for themselves that mean "The People." If you weren't one of them, you were an enemy. Fit only to be killed or enslaved. -Eric
[Apparently Mohammed studied the culture and incorporated what he learned in the Koran.]
The high school I graduated from and one college I briefly attended both continue to denigrate the fine town of Sparta, Greece. -Dennis
[Not to worry -- the NCAA, NAACP and ACLU are all coming to Sparta's rescue.]
General
comments...
Fogie – the Mexico thing, been there, done that! -Jt
[We know... and for $500 we won't post the video.]
Freak?! Oh, was that you on shore the day it was raining and the, um, fish weren't biting? (Or are you the one in the helicopter?) -Mary
[Nah, I was the one taking the video of the threesome of you, your ex-boyfriend (the one bragging about the, er, worm) and the Pakistani midget.]
Britney Spears has a small tattoo on her hand. Any idea what it is? -Sammy
[Yeah, it's a tiny reminder that reads: "wear panties".]
Even with the elections and the "forced" departure of Rummy, Bush insists on staying the course in spite of the fact that Americans, Iraqis and most of the world want us out! He even wants Gates to expand US forces in Iraq! Why does G Dub insist on ignoring the wishes of most people worldwide and the advice of his own inner circle?!? -Wild Child, Helena, WV
[Apparently he has tremendous difficult with certain concepts and words such as "exit strategy"... Odd considering he had no problem getting out of Vietnam.]
Did you hear that the US-Mexico border fence will cost ten times the original estimate? How could they miss it by that much? -Abby, Houston, TX
[It seems they originally planned on using illegal immigrant labor until somebody pointed out what a really bad idea that was.]
|
|
A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him. The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate.
"Hey, wench," says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!"
The FA looks annoyed, but walks on.
A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again: "Dammit, you lazy skank, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up!"
Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink.
Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself. "Hey, girlie," says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag your sorry butt - I want it right now!"
The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants. The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20,000 feet.
As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta nerve." |
|
|
| Only 55% of all Americans know that the sun is a star. |
|
Vacation Elbow
A condition that suddenly develops in a father's arm during a vacation trip that allowed him to reach out and slap you from incredible distances. |
|
|
|
|
|
Atlantis
Quest
 Journey
through Ancient Greece, Babylon, Carthage, Egypt, and
Rome in your search for one of the greatest mysteries
of all time. Featuring 76 challenging levels, exciting
power-ups and more, Atlantis Quest is a journey of unforgettable
family fun.
Try
Atlantis Quest
(Not available for Mac OS) |
 Patches the Horse
Hot Dang - a horse that loves hamburgers and TV, and brings you a beer! |
Just click here to go to the FREE Member's Area for this and more hilarious audio clips, videos and other
stuff! |
|
|
 |
|
Have a very LARGE day, Folliers!!!
me |
|
| |
|
