Meet Team Folly -- the crew that brings you this fabulous publication. Upon their chance meeting in “the home” and subsequent release, they decided to form a venture dedicated to exposing the truths of the world. Having failed at that, they decided to publish an ezine instead.

Team Folly

Agent: Fogie, Editor in Chief, Publisher
Alias: Zine King
Super Power: Bionic wit.

After severing ties with the KGB, CIA and that chick in Vegas, Fogie was looking for something new to do. His latest book, “How to Treat Feminists & Other Broads Like Ladies,” received mixed reviews but never achieved the massive public acclaim of his earlier work, “I’m As Politically Correct As the Next Geek Loser.” Fogie also founded several online discotheques, all of which failed because people didn’t like dancing alone at home.

Agent: Knox, Contributing Editor
Alias: Pig
Super Power: Able to attract any woman in under two minutes. Able to completely repulse her less than 60 seconds later, that coincidentally being the same amount of time his sexual experiences last (unless, of course, he's actually with a woman in which case the time-frame decreases dramatically).

Knox seems to have little, if any, past. This is mostly due to the fact that anyone who has met him will deny it faster than Peter in Gethsemane. And that whole "witness protection" thing seems to be working well for him. Although we firmly believe that whoever he's being protected from was just happy to get rid of him. What does Knox bring to the Follies? Hmm... damn good question.

Agent: Ashby, Managing Editor
Alias: Mammarylicious
Super Power: Testosterone repelling.

After deciding that feminine input was needed for the Follies, a wide search was initiated for the perfect female to join the Crew. We were looking for a refined lady with wit, intelligence, charm, organizational skills, management abilities and an affinity for writing with an edge to it. She was ultimately selected from all the applicants because she had the best boobs. Ashby has demonstrated that she can hold her own with the otherwise all-male crew and still be sugar and spice and everything nice. In fact, we've added curtains to all of our pc's running Windows on her recommendation.

Agent: Dwight, Graphics/Layout
Alias: Crayon Boy
Super Power: Obfuscates any confabulation by adhibiting anti-delineating unintelligibility. Can also draw stick figures.

Like many small-town Southerners, Dwight was raised by raccoons. While such an upbringing implies several disadvantages, he more than compensates with his unique ability to root through dumpsters. Dwight ended up at the Follies only after exhausting all other possibilities, including hand-delivering bounced email.

Agent: Chet, Marketing/Sales
Alias: Marketing Guru and Hopscotch Champion
Super Power: Superhuman weight-guessing accuracy and incredible balance.

Chet joined the crew through sheer serendipity. After being rejected years ago as an extra in “E.T.”, Chet wandered the country searching for the real trail of Reese’s Pieces. While passing through Knoxville he happened upon a few stale M&M’s and followed them into our offices. He’s been here ever since.

Agent: Joe, Programmer/Systems Manager
Alias: Grand Poobah of the Code
Super Power: Able to spontaneously combust at will.

Joe joined the Follies when his small chain of tanning salons sought bankruptcy protection in Bali. A public outcry preceded his departure, as locals complained that 40-watt bulbs just didn’t do the trick, and questioned his exhaustive video collection which he kept at the salons. Joe had no answers, and quickly immigrated. He brings nothing to the Follies but high hopes, a correct spelling of HTML and a small toy phone which he uses to call his “friends.”

Agent: Jethro, Maintenance
Alias: Crack (the rear view, not the drug)
Super Power: Can Make a Mountain out of a Mole Hill.

Jethro (at least that’s what we call him) was found sleeping on our stoop one day with a screwdriver in his pocket -- of course it was mostly vodka and very little OJ. Anyway, we assumed it was the maintenance guy we had requested from the temp service. We were mistaken but he simply won’t go away. Besides, he makes a mean road kill stew.

Agent: Mrs. Fogie, Wife
Alias: She Who is Truly in Charge
Super Power: Can do the dentist-recommended two-minute tooth brushing in 4.5 seconds flat.

Though completely against agency policy, parole officers often get romantically involved with their wards. Such is the case here when she simply could not resist Fogie’s charm, intelligence, wit, knowledge, impeccable taste, good looks, tenderness, sensuality and modesty.

Folliers In Training

Agent: Josh, Son
Alias: Hot Air J
Super Power: Can eat cookies out of the package without breaking the seal.

Fogie’s eldest child and constant reminder that puberty sucks, especially when you’re the parent of the pubescent.

Agent: Terry, Son
Alias: Rash
Super Power: The Surround-Sound Burp.

Fogie’s middle son and dedicated believer that any noise emanating from a body cavity is the only true form of humor.

Agent: Chris, Son
Alias: C-Dog-Run
Super Power: Coitus Interruptus.

Fogie’s youngest son. Collects sharp implements of destruction, kills the good characters in simulation games and revels in the misfortune of others. In short, typical 14-year-old.

Agent: Kelsey, Daughter
Alias: The Muffinator
Super Powers: The Glass-Shattering Wail: Especially effective in Toys-R-Us, when the answer to the request for one more Barbie item is "No." Also, The Bladder of Steel: Can hold it all day... until 30 seconds after being put to bed.

Fogie’s kindergarten daughter. Due to unreasonably strict child labor laws regarding the number of hours children may be written about, Kelsey is actually portrayed by twins.