The visiting Bible school supervisor asks little Johnny during Bible class, "Who broke down the walls of Jericho?"

Johnny replies, "I dunno, but it wasn't me!"

The supervisor, taken aback by Johnny's lack of basic Bible knowledge, goes to the school principal and relates the whole incident.

The principal replies, "I know Johnny as well as his whole family very well and can vouch for them; if Johnny said that he did not do it, then I am satisfied that it is the truth."

Even more appalled, the inspector goes to the regional Head of Education and relates the whole story.

After listening he replies, "I can't see why you are making such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix the damned wall!"

"An FBI spokesman said that the agency has arrested a man for secretly wiretapping Oprah Winfrey, adding, 'If anybody’s going to be eavesdropping on innocent American citizens, it should be us'."
      ~Andy Borowitz

"President Bush called for more troops and a huge jobs programs for Iraq. He wants to spend billions to stop the murders, end the chaos, and secure the oil. Everyone in New Orleans is starting to wonder what Baghdad has that they don't. "
      ~Argus Hamilton

"California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger announced a new plan that would give everyone in California health insurance. Not surprisingly, it will be paid for by Blue Cross of Mexico."
      ~Conan O'Brien

Hoo-ha Over 'The Vagina Monologues'

A theater's marquee was modified twice this week after controversy over the title of an upcoming play.

On Tuesday, an Atlantic Beach, FL, theater and comedy club altered one of the titles on its marquee, which lists the titles of several upcoming events. The theater replaced the word "vagina" in the play titled The Vagina Monologues to "hoohaa" after getting a complaint from a woman who was upset that her niece saw it and asked her: "What's a vagina?".

The comedy club's Bryce Pfanenstiel told local TV station Channel 4: "I'm on the phone and I'm like, 'What did you tell her?' And she's like, 'I'm offended that I had to answer the question'." He added: "We decided we would just use child slang for it. That's how we decided to title it The Hoohaa Monologues, so we don't offend anybody."

But one passer-by commented: "It sounds like a country band."

Two days later, The Hoohaa Monologues was restored to its original title after the play's organizers demanded it be changed back.

Pfanenstiel said he's had no complaints since The Vagina Monologues went back on the marquee Thursday. But word of the change had already gone global. It was on CNN and quickly spread over the Internet. One British Web site ran the story with this headline: "No vaginas please, we're Floridian." And the theater has been swamped with e-mails, most of them upset with the original change. Pfanenstiel said the hoo-ha over the name will probably increase the gate.

He would not say how they decided on "hoohaa" or what other options were considered. "You can imagine," he said. The theater's Web site did invite the public to submit their suggestions, and hundreds poured in. "We've heard most of them," he said. "But there's some new ones in there."

The organizers are a group of Florida Coastal School of Law students who said the sign had to read the play's original title because they have rights to the well-known play only if they do not allow any censorship of its content. "We are not allowed to censor anything because the whole play is about being a woman, about telling certain women's stories. Vagina is the essence of a woman, and if you're going to suppress the name, then you're suppressing us as women," said play organizer Elissa Saavedra.

The production is for charity. All of the proceeds from the play, which opened on Feb. 15, will go to anti-violence charities.

Eve Ensler wrote the first draft of international hit and award-winning play in 1996 after interviewing 200 women about their views on sex, relationships, and violence against women. Each monologue somehow relates to the vagina, through themes including sex, rape, birth and mutilation.

[How repressed do you need to be to hate a word about a body part you yourself have to complain about it? I swear if they ever do a rerun of that crappy Dick Tracy movie I'm soooo picketing...]

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed. One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's President of the United States."

A chief petty officer caught an AWOL sailor as he tried to sneak aboard ship. Upon hearing the sailor's lame explanation, the petty officer told him, "Sweep every link on this anchor chain by morning, or it's the brig for you!"

The sailor picked up a broom, but before he could sweep, a tern landed on the handle. The lad picked the tern off and tossed it overboard.

The bird lit again on the broom handle, and was again tossed away.

On and on, through the night, they went through the same routine.

In the morning, when the petty officer inspected, he found the chain still dirty. "What have you been doing all night?" he demanded angrily.

"Honest, chief," came the reply, "I tossed a tern all night and couldn't sweep a link!"

Rock Paper Scissors Online

How do you decide whose turn it is to take out the garbage or clean the kitty litter box? By playing Rock Paper Scissors, of course! You've played it with your friends and with your spouse. Now you can play the game online against the likes of "eTerminator," "eVentura," "eGladiator," and "eZorro." Win the best of seven series and you move on to compete against the next character.

http://playrps.com

[Lately, Britney Spears has been partying like there's no tomorrow, showing her hoo-hah to the paparazzi and reportedly puking in the back of a limo in NYC this week. Now she's sporting new tattoos and a shaved head. Showbiz people are starting to wonder how she'll ever revive her career.

TopFive.com has an idea: Star in a movie re-make!]

The Top Movie Re-Makes Starring Britney Spears

• Kojak: Who Loves Ya, Baby, Baby
   
• Guess Who's Puking Up Dinner
   
• A Star Is Boring
   
• Smokey and the Bonghit
   
• C.H.U.G.
   
• Dude, Where's My Career?
   
• White Trash Can Hump
   
• Bar-Hopping Miss Britney
   
• The Liquored-Up, Ectasy-Fueled, Lascivious, Publicly Degrading Madcap Pursuit of Ephemeral Happyness
   
• Bender Like Britney
   
• Momma Throws Up From the Train
   
• The Razored Hedge
   
• Lady Swigs the Booze
   
• Hairless PopTart and the Goblet of Firewater
   
    and the Number 1 Movie Re-Make Starring Britney Spears...
   
• Saw It

Thanks to The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com
Copyright 2007 by Chris White

Cabnicreep

The structural condition in which the closing of one kitchen cabinet causes another to open.

Have a very LARGE day, Folliers!!!

me